Just existing !!

I just wanted to put my thoughts out there, I lost my dad on 21st February, I cared for him for 12 years, I am 53 , single ,unemployed now ,hopeless, confused ,full of fear basically f*****d…that’s how I feel…daddy was my life!! Anyway


I hear that :anguished:

Having a similar shitty day today. Trying to think of what our parents would want for us, not saying can do that, but trying. I know Mum said her favourite thing was to hear me laugh.

Gentle hugs

Beki x

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Hi Beki, thanks for your kind words :blush: unfortunately though it’s not just a day…it’s every day, I’m going to be assessed for counselling on Monday but I don’t expect much to be honest…it’s not just the actual passing of dad it’s the secondary issues…loneliness, fear,financial insecurity to name just a few…I’m afraid of going to my parents home now too…

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I appreciate that and have many similar fears especially around loneliness and fear. I also do what my doctor calls catastrophising - my imagination and mind just building up the worse case scenario of what will happen etc.

I hope counselling will help, even if it takes the edge off to give you moments of calmness and kindness to yourself.

Someone who has been so deeply caring and loving to their parents is a very worthwhile person so dont forget that.


Thank you beki, you have just described me perfectly…catastrophic thinking!!!

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So sorry for your loss, I find it impossible to write the feelings that we have after our loved one dies, words can’t explain the terrible way our brain is working.
I try to think positive but it is so hard when I just feel overwhelmed, anxious and lonely. This forum does have people here who have managed to find some semblance of peace, this gives me hope and a need to believe that at some point I will find this. I truly hope we can all at some point at least get to a position where we can look back and smile at all the wonderful memories we have with our loved one.
Joe x


Thanks Joe!!
I really like this site as it’s REAL…and I empathise so much even though it doesn’t take away any pain

Never heard of that expression but sums me up too! Normally a confident person but since my husband died I worry about all sorts of stupid things and visualise things going wrong in the future - how I would cope, what help would I get etc. Hopefully it eventually passes - hope so.


Hi davina,
Unfortunately I’m a glass half empty person !! Catastrophic thinking = worst case scenario thinking :thinking:

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This grief situation is absolutely horrible and I’m led to believe that it can last a long time until we learn to live with it also in saying that I’m also aware that everything passes so only time will tell

I am in the same boat. you are not alone. I am so sorry. you are worth a lot caring for him for so long. you must be a sweet guy.

and I am also just existing, for the most part. it is no fun. I am sorry. grief eases but never stops entirely.

Hello Patrick , so sorry you lost your dad . I am in the same position as you . My mum died just over 12 months ago , i was her full time carer for 26 years . I feel completely lost , lonely , depressed and anxious . Toughest challenge i have ever had to face , but i am still coping a year on . Thinking of you , take care.
Love Angie xx

hi patrick. im 68 i cared for my mother for 20 years she died last october. she was 90 . she was my life, believe it or not i still cry every day. i am still deverstated. i just dont want to be here anymore. but then i think to myself she would want me to be strong. and your farther would want you to be strong for him. i know its hard but you got to keep going. people say time is a great healer , i wont lie it will take a long time, my mother died last oct but i still feel the same well not so bad. i take the dog out and when i come home the house is empty i see her belongings and cry . theres nothing you can do about it but carry on, people say get rid of her stuff. never it would be like i was getting rid of her memory. but i just keep going. i got to . and so do you patrick. keep going boy and have a good cry when you feel like. all the best, robert


so sweet, bobby 53

would like to be able to talk to you patrick. in private