I lost my dad over a year ago and still struggle every day. I phone my mum everyday to see how she is but on times I feel just so useless. She tells me how lonely she is and I just don’t know what to say. She does go out everyday and has a lot of friends. I work full time and struggle myself with my disability. I don’t live close so it’s not like I could pop in for a chat. Has anyone got any advice on how I can help my mum. My life has fallen apart and miss my dad so much. Nothing is ever going to be the same. Take care all x
Hello Joey, the pain when we loss a loved one can be very deep and hard to understand. You seem to be struggling with the loss of your dad and the guilt of not being able to do anything for your mother, which is very hard. Your mother will be lonely without the man she loved and lived with for many years, the lack of someone being in the house when you open the door or someone just to sort things out with, it’s lonely. They say time is a healer but it takes a long time to heal grief.
You are doing the right thing, just ringing to check and your mother sounds very sensible going out, keeping busy is a really good thing. Go and see her as often as you can but also be watchful to take care of yourself. They say little things mean a lot and that is so true, doing what you can. If she can talk about your dad, that helps because other people don’t want to know what you did together, as a couple. I suppose it’s helping to keep the memory alive. A year is not a long time when you consider how long they and you were together, so don’t expect either of you to be ‘over’ it because it does take time. Try making sure you both eat well and get out into the sunshine when ever you can, it does help to make you feel better. First thing is to take care of yourself because when we are grieving our human bodies suffer and a little neglect can manifest in real illness.
I do feel you are doing all you can but I hope just knowing that you are not alone helps. There are many on this site who have and are going through the same thing and you will get lots of support.
Take care and bless you and your mum.
S