My God, I thought I was keeping my emotions under control; how wrong I am… I have been trying so hard to deal with losing the love, the light of my life. Going back to work, talking on the phone or in person with Martin’s family/my brother, but the reality is, I’m not good, I’m just existing 
… It’s the worst situation to be in; I feel lost, alone and very scared… I am clinging to the hope that this will get better? I assume I’m in a big wave - grief does that I suppose, it’s frightening and isolating when it strikes… God help all of us who are riding these awful waves… sending love as I sob… I miss my love, my life… xx:broken_heart:
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Oh Dottie I understand totally how you feel.
The words you speak could be mine. We try our best to put one foot in front of the other as that’s all we can do but it’s awful when the tidal wave of grief thwacks us and we get churned up in these big waves of emotions!!
It’s been 6 mth since I suddenly lost my husband, soulmate and best friend and I feel it’s now living our shit existence that makes us feel as we do.
I hope like me you can sit in the peace of the calm moments for a while after these storms…until we get knocked off our feet again!
No wise words to ease your pain just wanted you to know you’re heard. Sending some calming hugs and thoughts x
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Aww Dottie I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad… it is undoubtedly the worst situation to be in and its natural to be feel alone lost and frightened … its just shit and so unfair to loose the person who meant the world to you and unfortunately i can’t tell you when the pain of your broken heart will ease.
It’s good you have people you know to talk to about Martin but do keep posting here plenty of us to support you and send you hugs
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To both you lovely ladies; thank you for your beautiful responses… Unless you have been in this hell, they/people/friends etc. will never understand…they don’t understand…. … for some reason tonight, my heart is breaking more than ever… sending love to you x:broken_heart:
Xx
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Thank you xx:broken_heart:
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It’s just awful. Sending love to you tonight. What else can we do or say? X
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Oh Dottie, I’m right there with you. I lost my darling husband very suddenly just two weeks ago and I sometimes feel I will drown under the pain and fear. I have the most amazing family and without them I would not have got this far. We’ve always been a very close family. There’s nothing I can say to ease your pain but it’s something we can all get through together. Just know that we all know your pain. Sending you a big cuddle.
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So sorry to hear you are in this pain. I can only sympathise and feel for you but can’t offer any advice. Very similar to me - 3 weeks now and funeral has just passed. I am like an empty shell. My sister has been staying with me some of the time but leaving finally tomorrow. I just can’t seem to function on my own. Still sleeping on the couch as cannot face our bed…I feel so scared of this new life that I just can’t cope with. Nights are horrendous. So many things are a trigger for tears and panic 
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I’m sorry for all in this awful situation, it’s been nearly 12 months since I lost Keith, the first three months were horrendous, felt really lost and crying at the least little thing. Then felt things were getting a bit better as not crying so much. Then had big wake up call the other day, I had taken my daughter to work and on the way back I just started crying. I had to pull over as I was sobbing. It was horrible I literally lost control, anyone passing by must have thought I’d gone mad. I felt so angry, why did he have to leave me, it wasn’t fair but then we all feel life isn’t fair. Whether it’s because it’s coming up to the first anniversary I don’t know but the least little thing sets me off now. I can just be sitting there and suddenly I’m crying. Will this ever pass?
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I am the same. I cry at the least little thing. The grief just creeps up on me. I try to face each day but as the day goes on the anxiety creeps in. It’s been 18 months and I miss my babe every day Take small steps. Getting out of bed and washing is an achievement some days. At the end of each day whatever you have achieved has to be enough. Sending hugs x
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Hi Dottie, I hope you get some ‘comfort’ (not sure that is the right word though, knowing that here on this thread are people feeling the same way / v similar circumstances
Before Tony died I thought that grief was constant and was surprised that it does come in waves - I have also had to pull over from driving as I start sobbing (near where I am the motorway has no hard shoulders so I have to be careful where I drive)
I start counselling on Monday - is this something you could look into?
I don’t know how it will be - I have never had anything like that before - I will report back.
The top 2 things I am finding hard (and I know you will be the same):
- This is forever
- Every happy event / experience I have in the future will always be tinged with sadness that Tony is not here
- Not liking the person I am becoming - seeing elderly people holding hands and feeling envious, seeing couples our age out and about, hearing people moan about their spouses and getting angry
The top things that have helped me cope a bit: - I have gone on Twitter more and restarted my Twitter account - I have found it more ‘uplifting’
- Am trying to do random acts of kindness (this is tricky as not in my nature!)
- Getting outside every day (I know this is a cliche but….)
- This is a bit macabre but I am getting together info etc for my children when my time comes - ie the practical things
- I am also thinking about writing down things for my children about us that they might not really know ie before they were born - we didn’t have friends so they would not get stories about us from them
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You are amazing……. So many thinks you have said resonates with me… I remember back when I first lost my Martin, I went to Tesco to get a few bits… I went really early to avoid people; I remember seeing couples and just looking at them, feeling jealous and heartbroken… I have never set foot inside another store… all my shopping is delivered…. I now look at couples on TV etc. the only thing I think is, one of you have NO idea what you’re in for! To me that’s shocking! I’m not that type of person, but unfortunately this is where we find ourselves…. Please do let me know how to get on… sending you love x:heart:
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I watched a good TED talk about grief and she said to the audience that 100% of them will experience grief - and of course as you say re: couples 50% of them
I will look for it - one sec
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Google TED talk grief Nora McIerney
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Oh yes I have also avoided supermarkets- do my shopping in garages and the local M&S food shop near me - costing me a bloody fortune!
I got Tony a proper urn so had to take him back to the funeral director’s (he is in a box at the mo) so I took him out to breakfast near by to a place we had wanted to go to but didn’t get the chance.
I went with our son - he was a bit 
but I said that it’s not as if I booked a table for 3 - I’m not insane.
I put Tony on the seat next to me so he could ‘see’ everything and showed him the menu.
Maybe I am a bit insane.
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Dottie and Mrs Murphy. I am so sorry you are both in so much pain. I am right with you. I keep seeing couples and thinking one of them has no idea what they’re in for. I seem to have become a complete horror. I cannot face going out never mind shops because I can’t bear to come home. I went to register him today and I’ve had a terrible day. I’m glad I’m not the only one having horrible thoughts about other people.
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Oh, I know this; I found it searching for answers on YouTube… xx❤️
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You are not insane at all! I have my Martin in my lounge; I sometimes bring him over to the sofa ( where I sleep since I lost him) put my hand on him and pray for sleep….…. What ever works…. I pray for “us all” every evening. The journey we are all on is horrific and bloody painful, we didn’t ask for this!?!! At times I do get so angry…. Much love … x:broken_heart:
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Coming up to two years and the sadness and loneliness are dreadful .
I don’t see how it can get better and in a way it should not because I love him and without him the world is empty snd scary. The grief is the love and that love is endless.
We have to live a different life now carrying our love with us.
It’s so tough.
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