We found out that my husband had rectal cancer and that it had spread to his liver and lungs and there was no cure. He did have 4 rounds of chemo but could not stand the side effects. Since January he has been trying alternative therapies. But nothing worked he has been getting weaker. The last week of his life was horrendous. I cared for him the best I could until he went into hospital. I could not stay when he died it was so traumatic for me so I went into the family room and a nurse came and told me he had gone.
I am still in shock I cannot believe it has happened. I still think he is going to come home. We knew he was really ill but he deterated so quickly at the end.
This weekend is so hard everybody enjoying the sunshine with their families and I am just on my own. I keep thinking we would be going on a country walk today and this time last year we was looking forward to a holiday. He had been ill for a while but wouldn’t go to the doctor until he had really bad symptoms and then it was too late. He never told me a lot of the problems he was getting.
He told me I have to be strong but I have lost my Mum, Dad and sister. I have a step daughter who lives in Briton and a son with autism he does not understand. But I feel so alone with my grief. The first couple of days neighbour’s and friends came round but the last couple of days I have seen no one. I am dreading the funeral. I have known my husband since 1976. We have never been apart except when he went into hospital years ago and I had a hospital stay. How can I go on without my love of my life.