Just lost my husband

We found out that my husband had rectal cancer and that it had spread to his liver and lungs and there was no cure. He did have 4 rounds of chemo but could not stand the side effects. Since January he has been trying alternative therapies. But nothing worked he has been getting weaker. The last week of his life was horrendous. I cared for him the best I could until he went into hospital. I could not stay when he died it was so traumatic for me so I went into the family room and a nurse came and told me he had gone.

I am still in shock I cannot believe it has happened. I still think he is going to come home. We knew he was really ill but he deterated so quickly at the end.

This weekend is so hard everybody enjoying the sunshine with their families and I am just on my own. I keep thinking we would be going on a country walk today and this time last year we was looking forward to a holiday. He had been ill for a while but wouldn’t go to the doctor until he had really bad symptoms and then it was too late. He never told me a lot of the problems he was getting.

He told me I have to be strong but I have lost my Mum, Dad and sister. I have a step daughter who lives in Briton and a son with autism he does not understand. But I feel so alone with my grief. The first couple of days neighbour’s and friends came round but the last couple of days I have seen no one. I am dreading the funeral. I have known my husband since 1976. We have never been apart except when he went into hospital years ago and I had a hospital stay. How can I go on without my love of my life.

Brokenhearted

Anne

Hello Anne ,
Your situation mirrors mine very much.My hubby diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer first week of October 18, died 19th Jan
We knew he wouldn’t beat cancer but never imagined it would be so quick
I am 12 weeks down the line now ,I have stopped thinking he will come back but have this deep deep sadness inside and as you say it’s hard on your own seeing families enjoying Easter.
I think I feel more alone than lonely,I have friends and family I can ring etc , but it’s being alone that’s awful, no one to share silly little things with, Anyone who hasn’t been in our situation cannot comprehend how we feel
although I find that this forum is a great We had been together since 1976 too,I miss him so much in every way
We just have to hope the intense grief will ease off a little at some point
My best wishes to you
Maddie

So sorry for your loss. I still am in shock, it has helped that other people feel the same. Yesterday I went for a long walk. I am getting fed up with the radio being so cheerful about having fun with a family in the sunshine.

Today I am going to work in the garden., planting beans etc. We used to have an allotment I keep thinking about last year when my husband was planting onions and potatoes.

The car is outside I do not know if I can afford to keep it. I promised to my husband I will try to keep it for a while, my income will drop. A neighbour said she will buy it, no thought that it would upset me to see our car that we enjoyed so many trips out and holidays. Another widow told me not to make decisions straight away, so I am taking my time. But some people are so tactless she is a strange woman anyway. Everybody else have been kind and helpful.

Thanks for taking the time to answer me.

Anne

Hello Anne. We have allotments also and I have kept them on. They have saved me through the winter months after I lost Brian in November. I find it harder now as couples are everywhere and my Brian isn’t with me. I made all sorts of decisions very quickly, not being known for my patience. I sold my husbands electric bike to a neighbour and looking up quickly one day I saw the bike coming along the road and just for a moment I thought it was him. So only sell the car if you really feel ready and only you know if you can bear to see it. However I have come to realise that the memory of my husband is not in things. He is firmly embedded in my heart.
My potatoes are coming up now but Brian was the potato grower so I hope I can do him proud.

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