Hi I have just lost my Mam to bowel cancer 5 weeks ago just thought this forum might help me
This forum will definitely help you. It has been a real comfort to me and a little group ofvus who post regularly about our mums. My lovely 74 year old mum and absolute best friend died of a brain hemorrhage during a routine operation performed under local anaesthetic on the 13th june. We turned off her life support on the 14th June which was her 50th wedding anniversary. My dad had died 20 years earlier and we felt that he had called for her to be with him
5 and a half months down the line and I am angry, bitter and living a half life. A big part of me died the day she did and i will never be the same.
What keeps me going is my 12 year old daughter and my partner, plus knowing how much my mum would want us to live our lives and be happy.
How are you bearing up?
It’s so horrible isn’t it my Mam was 72 but her birthday is 23rd of Dec then we have xmas so not really looking forward to any of it but I have 3 children well ones 23 and left home one 15 and the other 9 so I have to do it for them iv not put all my decorations up just a few as my Mam loved xmas but I feel bad but my dad is still alive and only lives across the road so feel bad putting them up and he can see them xx
Your dad knows you have children and knows that Christmas is all about them. I’m sure he wont mind seeing your decorations. I dont want xmas this year but where would that get me? It wont bring mum back and mum would hate our house to be bare. Plus it would look so miserable without decorations would that make me feel worse?
I’m trying to just carry on. I’m doing presents and decorations and just hoping to get through the day
I know you are right and we will all get through it but been told the first year is the worst xx
I have decorations up. I have a star on the tree with mums name on. Never imagined this time last year when she sat by my tree would we have a star on it instead this year. I’m having a very weird few days. Feeling totally numb. I was inconsolable at the weekend. Now I’m numb.
Hello Susanuk, I sorry for your loss.
I lost my Mum 8 weeks ago to pneumonia and a massive heart attack. Trying to process whats happened is so difficult. A thought will hit my brain and then I’m crying. It’s going to take a lot of time.
This forum is a comfort. You’ve found a place where people really know what you are going through.
I go like that joules.
Today I havent stopped crying for the first time in a week. Other days i feel numb but today my emotions are all over the place.
It’s awful isn’t it Cheryl. Those dark days are quite frightening. I hope you feel better later. X
I have my tree and that up just not as much as usual but no u never know what can happen in a year it’s scary isn’t it xxx
That’s how I feel too just a thing on face book or something little can set u off xx
I avoid facebook Susan. Last week on my mums birthday my niece posted a photo of my mum and said happy heavenly birthday nanny.
I had a complete breakdown. My sister basically told me to come off facebook if I dont want to see things like that. As far as I’m concerned things like that are just showing off to friends. My mum wouldn’t have seen the post so what was the point?
To show facebook friends what a lovely granddaughter she was and how she is remembering her nan.
It set me off for days of crying. Then I was ok for a few days and now today I’m in a right mess again.
I thought things would be better 5 and a half months down the line. Maybe the time of year is making things so much worse x
Thanks joules…I just want to escape the world today x
I found a photo of my mum in the loft when I got the decs out. Really hit me hard. I just sat and sobbed.
I’m currently sat in my car having lunch before I go into work and I tucked my paper napkin over my top as I spilt my salad. It reminded me of tucking mums napkin into her hospital gown while I fed her. I’m trying hard not to lose it.
I think it is with Christmas coming too I’m dreading it in a way ,but il do the same on my mams birthday on the 23rd Dec I won’t go on Facebook as I know my sister will put pics of my Mam on too it will be hard enough as it is without seeing anything like the first year we can’t share and all that xx
I struggled today just seeing Mum’s empty seat in the house. Tears and more tears. I comprehend my Mum has gone but my heart has still to understand the reality of it all. Mum passed away 9 weeks ago today. It’s aged me. I look older and I don’t particularly care at the moment. Over the weekend I felt very fragile and it’s not surprising. The shock alone has been horrendous.
The reality of the loss is huge. I try not to over-dwell on it, but my I’m carrying around with me.
I seem to have mostly opted out of society at the moment.
I don’t want to join up with a friend to either talk about it or pretend all is well.
C1971 sorry to hear you are having a rough day.
I feel like it’s still not sunk in with me even though we’ve had the funeral too I feel like iv not accepted it xx
Everything you just said is how I feel. It’s terrible isnt it?
I dont want to live anymore. Now when I say that I dont mean I’m suicidal. I’m not. I would never end the life that my mum gave to me and I would never voluntarily leave my daughter and partner.
What I mean is, that I dont enjoy life anymore. I cant stand music and I used to live for it. Particularly 50s and 60s stuff. My mum and I love elvis.
I dont go out anymore and I dont enjoy television. I hate my home. It was so exciting all moving into a large bungalow 15 months ago. An adventure buying tvs and sofas. Mum got 10 months here and I’m staring at her newly done up living room and bedroom that never get used.
I just get no pleasure out of anything and will probably have to accept that I am depressed but I’m trying to get through this without medication. I dont know daffy, I’m just having a really bad day.as bad as I can recall since the early days.
And as for ageing. I am 48 but used to always get told I only look no more than 40. Not anymore. I look in my 50s today!
C1971, I’ve certainly had the I don’t want to live anymore feeling. The what’s the point feeling. Somehow, we’ve just got to take a pinch of courage and keeping going. I think we will forever miss them, but I hope that one day the pain of the loss is reduced.
Neither myself nor my mother knew she would die.
I’m depressed and my level of motivation is pretty poor.
My world has been turned upside down and I feel lost. My joy has been sucked out of my life. I can appreciate a sunny day, but everything feels very flat.
I still feel I’m shocked. I wake up at night with jumbled thoughts.
We can take this the only way we can - hour by hour and day by day. In time I believe it will get better.
I never expected grief could be like this.
Just to join in the conversation, had mum cremated yesterday:sob: and today I feel utterly NUMB.
Visited her in the chapel of rest and it was like a mannequin of mum lay there but OMG no emotion,no love, no warmth just so hard and cold looking. Cant get the pic out my head!
Yesterday was surreal like it was just a nightmare and didn’t happen. And today so so numb. I am so lucky to have my 2 year old twins but they are so hard work, I am really struggling. I want to just stay in bed all day and sleep but have to carry on for them.
My friends are messaging but I cant be bothered to message back, I resent them because they are all getting ready for xmas with their mums and cant begin to understand my pain. Just want my mum back x