Just lost my mum after 5 years no contact

My mum passed away recently, and we haven’t seen each other or spoken for 5 years. Our relationship was difficult but I still loved her, she was my mum. My sibling hasn’t spoken to me for many years, and didn’t contact me to tell me about our mum’s terminal illness. My eldest child told me December 2021, but my mum didn’t want to see me. I feel devastated because I have suffered ambiguous loss for many years due to the rift in my family, and now I am grieving actual loss due to mum’s passing. I cant even go to the funeral as I don’t know where it is, and I would be perceived as a hypocrite due to the 5 years no contact. I am heartbroken and confused, and have been speaking to the Samaritans online since my mum’s passing.


Hello @Seren7,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, and the long period of no contact you experienced before this. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Hi Alex,

Thank you for welcoming me to the community, and for your condolences regarding my mum’s passing. I am hoping to connect with others on here to share stories and offer each other support. Due to the rift in my family I don’t have support, other than from my two sons and I am waiting to start trauma therapy. Unfortunately the waiting list is long, so I need to find other means of support in the interim period. I will take some time to check out the website to familiarise myself with the information and different services you offer.
Kind Regards