Just lost my mum with rare cancer

My mum was diagnosed with pseudomyoxoma peritonei last July. I was by her side til the very end and all I can say is how traumatic I found the whole thing. Christie’s couldn’t do anything for her and to see her deteriorate in the way she did was absolutely awful. The only blessing out of all this is that she is no longer suffering.
Every GP, district nurse etc didn’t have a clue what mums condition was so it was very frustrating. I was with her at the end of her life as I promised to be with her to the very end. I feel privileged that I had the opportunity to care and nurse her.
I do though feel traumatized by her death though and what I witnessed. I talked it through after with a nurse which helped but all I can remember now is did I kill her for taking the oxygen off her, did she suffocate due to what was coming out of her mouth. In my head I can rationalize it but in my heart and emotions I can’t. I feel numb and it’s surreal but I now feel alone as she was my best friend.


Hi @LizBedson, I’m glad you’ve found our community but so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support soon; I think the way you’re feeling is sometimes a lot of our members can identify with.

You’ve said you’re feeling traumatised, which is understandable. Do you think talking to someone might be helpful? If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling - you’re not alone.

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Hi LizBedson I’m so sorry that you have lost your lovely Mum. I couldn’t pass by when I read your post as my Mum passed away with cancer too, although not rare which must just have felt shocking to receive that news. It was my Mum’s third and final battle and I too have been traumatised with what I witnessed. It feels like some sort of PTSD. I don’t want to belittle the condition as many people suffer terribly from it but you and I have been on a battlefield of our own, side by side with our Mum’s whilst they put up their best fight against their enemy. The way I deal with the images is to immediately bring a happy memory of her into my head. It took time to train my brain but it works for me. I also didn’t want the cancer demon to define her as she was so much more than those last few months of her life. When I talk about her I don’t talk about the cancer, it doesn’t deserve air time.
I’m sorry your Mum’s condition wasn’t understood by the medical professionals. If it’s any consolation my Mum’s should have been (secondary breast cancer) but she got zero support from Macmillan, her nurse wasn’t a nice person at all and unfortunately Mum couldn’t warm to her and my Mum could get on with anyone. Don’t blame yourself. You can’t, you did what was right at the time in those moments. Plus the medical professionals would have made suggestions I’m sure which you would have acted on. It all went how it did and beating yourself up, as I have learned, is exhausting. Your Mum would not want you to feel the way you do either. Think of the well and happy Mum as that is who she really is. Sorry to have babbled on! I do that sometimes! I just feel what you’re going through. Sending compassionate thoughts to you x

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Thank you for your lovely reply. You’ve summed it up perfectly tbh. I’m proud of how our mums battled it and I do feel privileged that I was allowed to look after her. We as a family have a positive outlook on life even though it’s always very testing for us. My mum taught me this and for that I’m always grateful. It hits me most over silly little things and I just get overwhelmed by my emotions. I’ll try the thinking of happy times when the negative images come in but then I start blubbering!!! Logically I can rationalize things but emotionally I’m a wreck. Xx