Just lost my mum

Coping with bereavement
#1

Hi . Ive just lost my mum through alchzeimahs, basically she couldnt swallow anymore then caught covid when i agreed for her to go for 2 weeks respite after looking after her on my own for 5 years where she had 21 T.I.A’s…I loved her very much and moved in to look after her and my dad as my partner also died .

I am still at home with my dad who is 90, mum has passed a month now but my dad blames me qnd is nasty all the time to me, he is dementia but calculated if that makes sence…the what ifs…
I dont need him to blame me as i took her to care home saying it was a holiday and she caught covid there and now dead so he cant hurt me anymore than im hurting myself already…i kept her safe fir 5 years and now she has gone.
My dad can hardly walk…wash or feed himself he wont have carers or assessments so i am cinderella byt now my mum isnt hete to stop him being nasty, I cant walk away as i made mym z promise i would look after him. Basically thanks for reading this anyone…Life is hell and on top of Christmas

1 Like
#2

So sorry for your loss and for the difficult time you are having trying to also care for your dad.

Trying to come to terms with, & allow yourself to grieve the loss of one parent whilst also caring for another who has your dad’s illness must feel so overwhelming for you. I really hope you have friends or family that you are able to get some help from, whether practical or emotional.

I would add that there will come a time when you will need to have professional help with the care for your dad. This doesn’t mean you are a bad daughter, it means you are a good, caring & compassionate daughter. Your health & well-being is important too.

I really hope you can grieve the loss of your mum & find the help you need for your dad’s care.

Please take care of yourself.

#3

Thank you for your kind words, unfortunately without his consent even a doctor wont talk to me yet alone S.S . I think mum will call him home as rhey wete together 63 yrs and he isnt coping with her loss…i can but just try to help and let the bitterness he says to me go over my head…
Cant wait until Christmas is over, please have a good Christmas yourself

1 Like
#4

Bless you, its so hard & dementia is such an awful illness. I hope you have good memories of your parents before they were both so unwell.

Be kind to yourself, your needs are as important as everyone else’s. You have only done the best for both of your parents.

Take care

#5

I am here if you need to talk

#6

Here for you if need to talk

#7

please excuse your dad. when my dad died my mom, 90, was horrible to me too. not always but …

you will thank yourself after the one day that he is gone that you bit your tongue. so often I wish I had. they are both gone and I miss them like crazy.

#8

Hello @Louise1234, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. I am glad to see you’re getting support from our community.

You have been through so much and have a lot to cope with. You deserve help and support. Please do think about getting some support for yourself as you care for your dad. The link below talks through some options you might want to explore.

Please do keep reaching out - take good care,

Seaneen

#9

Thank you i shall read i had full support for mym but dadad wont except any qnd he wont qgree to me being consenter