Just Saying. That's all.

LISTEN. I’m just saying - that’s all.

I lost lost my wife Anne 23 months ago. We were married 50yrs. And I’m aged 75. I find I can do what has to be done like shopping or essential house hold chores until about 3pm in the afternoon. But then I wilt.

At that stage I need to escape from this world so I drink strong 9% Polish beer and smoke like a chimney. I’ll drink and smoke until I’ve had enough then either I heat up a meal I cooked earlier on in the microwave or put a ready meal in the microwave. Later a cup of coffee and a cigarette then off to bed. I sleep like a log. The first thing I say when I wake up is " Oh so I’m still here am I ?" I then go down stairs - look at Annes photo and say " Morning my pretty little lady. I love you." Then I cook my porridge in the microwave and start the same ritual all over again.

I’ll be honest without a alcohol I would have topped myself years ago. But I’m just saying. That’s all.

Love James.

3 Likes

Oh James, I’m so sorry that we all now have lives that are so empty compared to when we had our loved ones with us. I feel so empty first thing in a morning when the stillness is too much. I never watched TV at the weekend but now I put it on for the distraction. I sometimes wonder whether this is a punishment for something and so I will be made to live a long life to repent for all the things that I have done wrong in my life. I’m not perfect but I didn’t think I’d made that much of a mess of things but to me, this is a living hell. Sending hugs

2 Likes

Dear Jules4

I feel the same way. Each day is groundhog day - going through the same motions to try and get us through.

Take care.

2 Likes

I just can’t make sense of it all. Together we could have continued to do good things - for our family, our friends, the wider world (we both did voluntary work). Now, he can’t and it takes all my energy just to get through each day. So why would this happen or is life just random?

2 Likes

Dear Jules4

I have no answers for anything now. My husband was so helpful to anyone. They did not even need to ask, if he saw someone struggling then he would just be there for them. Our elderly neighbour loved him because whatever jobs he saw needed to be done he would knock on the door and offer to help.

I don’t know how to continue with a life that I did not ask for and neither of us deserved.

3 Likes

So many lovely, lovely people taken - life is cruel.

2 Likes

Dear Jules4

It really is. Memories are no good to me I just need my husband by my side.

3 Likes

like a hamster on the wheel …that’s exactly this life is like.
I used to look forward to the days. I used to have so many plans : how my daughter may fulfill her dreams, how my wife would be enjoying life doing what she want to do; how to achieve financial independence so I no longer need to work for money. Now I am forced to live a life without any hope for the future. I hang around in the streets everyday to kill time so I won’t have to stay in our empty apartment.

This world is in a mess because so many good people were taken.

4 Likes

Life is so cruel that I just don’t understand why so many good people get the rough end of the stick.
I totally understand James how the evenings are the worst and only forthe fact my daughter and son are around I can see how easy it would be to disappear. I lost my partner suddenly to a heart attack, instant, no warning only 7 weeks ago at the age of 44.
I’m not living, just existing. Take care, sending hugs xx

4 Likes