JUST SAYING

Hi James. My daughter told me she was proud of taking charge of Ron’s funeral because I was distraught. She told me I had been so strong and she could never cope if she lost her partner.
What she forgot was that after Ron died she had lived at mine with my grand daughter for two months and then left after a silly argument. She never spoke to me or phoned me for a year after that and I never saw my grand daughter.I was devastated that she never acknowledged my grieving then. We have made up now but it still pains me that she could be so selfish at my time of greatest need.
Children just don’t seem to get it do they?

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I don’t think anyone does until they’ve been there.

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Dear Jules4

You are so right. And people wonder why I do not want to venture outside the house unless I have to. A few people at the beginning tried to tell me my husband died doing what he loved. Well I loved him and hopefully he loved me more than the bike. At that moment I said nothing but I do not think that I could hold in the pain and anger if anyone said it to me now.

This time last year we were sitting celebrating St. Georges Day. My husband would put out his St. George’s flag and have a beer. Tomorrow is his birthday. I have cleaned the bungalow and touched up some of the walls where our little grandson has left his greasy little finger prints. Anything to distract me. He would be 61 tomorrow. I cannot believe in less than 12 months my world has been totally shattered into so many pieces it cannot be fixed.

Taking myself off for the day tomorrow - cannot sit in the house looking at his empty seat.

Take care.
Sheila

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I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you manage to find a moment of peace somewhere.

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Oh dear, James - that must have been a hurtful comment from your daughter. I find it safer to keep my feelings to myself to all but very dear friends who have either lost someone themselves or who I know I can trust to empathise. That narrows the choice down some! That’s why this forum is so valuable.

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Dear Angie, Just before my husband was diagnosed with his illness, we had been looking after our grandchildren whilst our sons worked, our eldest son asked us to also look after his daughter at the weekends too so he and his then wife could go out for a break, Peter who was not feeling well as he hadn’t been diagnosed with his illness yet, said no, we can’t it is too much. Our son stopped speaking to us for two years but still left his daughter with us three days a week. We were given orders to be on the doorstep when he dropped her off and on the doorstep when he picked her up and not to talk to him. I have forgiven him in a small way but cannot forget that he missed two years of his dad’s life. To be honest, he is still the same selfish, argumentative person that he always was, I sometimes think I got the wrong child in hospital because he has no compassion at all for anyone and he is not a bit like his dad and I.

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Hi there James
I hope you will forgive me coming in on your posts two days late but I have been giving it some thought.
As you rightly say your daughter didn’t mean any harm but I suspect that she would dearly love to have the father she knows back again and I bet she has cried buckets worrying about you.
You ‘rocked’ with all your interests and I understand that you have lost the will as a person to continue with a life and it must deeply distress your daughter to see her Dad like this. She simply wants her Dad back and probably feels helpless to help you to climb out of the quick sand of grief that you and so many of us have found ourselves in.
We all know that having an outside interest, taking care of ourselves and you above all must know that exercise is the best way forward but having the motivation is another thing altogether. Your daughter and her partner are probably hoping to see you come back to them as the man you once was or at least a part of him.

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Hi jules I have read some of your posts and I think we lost our husbands at a similar time. My husband died 3 weeks ago in my arms with lung cancer. I miss him like crazy. I am left with 2 troubled kids and a kind of aching sadness. Contact me any time, just awful isn’t it?!

Hi thete Pattinson. I am late with my post but I just read your reply to James.
When my mum died and dad was left alone,my children were quite young and they never wanted to visit grand dad. I put it down to their age but they told me later that they hated to see their grand dad looking so sad and being grumpy with them. They felt left out and missed his former self.

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Sorry about spelling. I meant to reply to Pattidot.

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