Has anyone else felt resentment for their new future. Want to rebel against it as it’s not what you wanted.
Like, what the hell, I’m not doing I!
I resent having to change my life to move forward but I also know, if I don’t I will be stuck in a place of pain and I do really want to be happy, like I used to be.
But my used to be doesn’t exist anymore!
All the time. With my restrictions I am having a really tough time figuring out my new options. I am working at it. Trying to remain positive.
@Ali29
I feel very resentful about this awful life that’s been thrust upon me, but tbh there’s not very much we can do about it.
I know that I will never be happy and at peace again without my wonderful husband, he made my life what it was.
I am trying, as we all are, to make the best of it but it’s extremely hard and I feel at times that I do not want to go on.
Living alone is the pits for me and I shall try and move to a retirement apartment as soon as I feel up to it, which is what my husband wanted me to do.
@Ali29 I get those feelings sometimes, for me it can feel like some kind of betrayal as well. I think for me it’s a way of recognising that I’m moving forward and so loops round to moving on. And none of us really in the deepest part of us wants to move on. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say “But my used to be doesn’t exist any more”, I still find that so painful, so uncomfortable to face up to, it’s something I work through regularly. But in some ways I’m learning to trust my instincts again, as with you I know I don’t want to be stuck here, I want to evolve, take this shitshow and turn it to something positive, something my wife would feel love and pride in. To do that I have to face and accept that it’s gone, it’s a new place it’ll take a while to get oriented. I wonder sometimes if the resentment I feel is directed at my wife, for leaving me alone after all we shared and planned, it would be only natural and it’s something that’s irrational and unfounded but I still have to work my way through. So many curveballs.
So true!
This also, I find this so hard. Also to move on I also feel I’m betraying him. Now when I say, moving on, I’m not meaning someone else, I just mean life without him.
It’s only my feeling, but I think our ages also come into it. I am not far off 80 and tbh glad I am no younger.
I agree. The charts suggest I will live to 83. That without my partner seems quite long enough. The way I feel at present I doubt if I will last that long.
Totally agree. The prospect of living life alone like this for rest of my life is sad. Life will be I guess.
@ walan
She didn’t choose to leave you, as I’m sure you know. If she could, she’d still be with you now, loving you like always. Just like my Rich. He never left me, he was taken from me.
None of our partners wished to leave us. @Walan, like my husband, your wife would have desperately wanted to stay with you.
It’s the old ‘grief brain’ doing it’s best to upset us with thoughts like that.
@Ali29 taken is the right word, doesn’t stop my thoughts from going otherwise, stupid brain I know, one thing I’ve definitely realised is there’s no rationality in thought, emotion. But for me I find it really useful to face these questions and feelings, I try to forget the irrationality and try to find why I feel the way I do. It’s hard and throws up surprising answers but somehow I can then use it as a tool, a short hand answer as the need arises. I still have issues I’m working through, things I’m not quite ready to face, things that I know I will just have to accept, nothing to be done. It’s hard to accept what is being asked of me, but I’m starting to think this is another anticipation scenario, will I make the right choice? But the choice for me is clear, face it or stay as I am. I don’t want o leave the place of stability I’ve found, but I know I have to get the next point of reflection, the next point of acceptance. So I go on.
I really do get it!
@Walan
I believe we can think too much! I know it’s difficult not to but it doesn’t help really.
@Ali29 I feel really resentful. Not so much that I don’t want to do it because I do want to be happy & content again. But I feel really resentful that our future was stolen. All the plans we had will no longer be realised. That my husband worked really hard and didn’t get to enjoy retirement. That he won’t get to see his grandchildren (who he doted on) grow up. The list is endless. I really hope we can all move on but at the moment it seems unachievable.
I felt like that at the beginning, Rich was a beautiful soul who worked really hard. He had just got his new job, starting in the Easter that he was sooo excited about. He was the fittest he had been in a while and he was feeling so good about himself having worked hard to shed some weight and going to the gym and cycling. I was so angry that he didn’t get to live his life. It isn’t fair but life isn’t is it.
Yes @Ali29 i feel resentful, resentful for this new shit life that i now find myself in, through no fault of my own or of Bri’s. Like others have said, he didnt choose to leave, he was taken, and its so unfair. Hes been robbed of potentially another 20, 30 yrs, he was only 47, weve been robbed of our future together. Ive been forced recently to make decisions about the future, i dont want to, as it feels like im ‘moving on’ and i dont want to move on, but its something i have to do. Xx
I have felt resentful.as its my second time been widowed.lm have just turned 63.& l have thought.have l got the strength to do this again.but what choice do we have.l can stay stuck & wallow or move on.which l have decided to do & things change & none of us know how long we have left.so we owe it to ourselves to enjoy life x
I also feel resentment as my husband life has been robbed and our future plans and dreams have been robbed. He will never see my son get married or be a grandfather or retire after working hard. I resent also that his life was taken suddenly and unexpectedly and died of undiagnosed kidney cancer which he didn’t get the chance to fight. I think moving forward for me is acceptance which I haven’t got to that stage yet and now sure I want to move forward as it will mean that I am moving further away from him and my old life.
Such a horrible journey that we are all on Xx
@Ali29 I feel it constantly In a heartbeat everything changed and we were left alone.I felt a bit more positive after chatting to some of the lovely people on here today and then bang I was heartbroken again and crying my eyes out.I felt so alone like I was the only person on the planet because my husband was the light of my life and the light went out and I’m left in a dark cold world I hate.
But we just have to go on there is no alternative.
My thoughts are with you I hope we get some peace soon
Hugs
Annx