Just to say goodbye

I have interacted a few times over the last few months as I prepared for the first Anniversary of my husband’s passing. I hope I have given comfort to those who took time to read my posts, but can I be honest when so many of my posts get no acknowledgement I wonder why I bother. Others do and whilst I realise they are reaching out for support, it is pointless for me continuing being part of the forum as I can only offer positivity albeit small. I experienced no less pain than anyone else, to feel connected to the group would have been nice but I think now is the time to say goodbye.


hi San
sorry for the loss of your husband.good luck with your future,hope everything goes smoothly for you.regards ian

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Please don’t feel like that… you deserve as much support and love as all the rest of us … can I suggest you post on the lost my husband thread … this is the one I post on the most and the people on there are some of the kindest people I have ever come across in my life … they helped me right from the beginning …they are always there to listen and give advice if they can … so many of them put there own pain aside to listen and care for others … take care lots of love Michelle x

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Dear SanW
I hope you may think again about leaving this forum because it is people like you who help hold it together…I know that it can be disappointing if no one respones directly and it is often hard to try to be positive but I am sure that your kind words will have touched someone and helped them and that is really special.
Take care x

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Hi San please don’t leave the site we all need an outlet for our grief at the moment I find it hard after losing my Jane 7 months ago life in this day and age is difficult enough Jane was always the driving force in our 43 years of marriage her words to put it bluntly shit or bust when ever difficulties arose,I try to keep the memory of her alive as much as possible by trying to talk to people about memories of what we did in life,odd people listen our GP practice totally useless,counciling can’t comment not tried it but from what I see a long drawn out affair so for me there is not much alternative I am on my own apart from my little dog nephew and neice who live 160 miles don’t really want to talk about anything now any friends we had are the same that is up to them.
I am lucky I have a lady I worked with Several years ago who I communicate by e- mail on a regular basis she only lives 6-8miles away but I’ve not seen her to talk to for a few years,we all need an outlet for our grief this site being one of them some things I don’t agree with the words Be positive are far from my mind how can we be when we have lost loved ones as bad as death itself.
Please keep using this site even if you disagree with what is said as I do ,keep the memories of our loved ones alive,ask questions anything that may help this lonely hellhole called grief .
. Yours MM69

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Hi SanW,

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your posts on this site - I think you have written some really helpful and thoughtful posts, and I’m so sorry that you feel you haven’t had much response. The number of responses to any given post can vary based on lots of factors, such as who happens to log on and see a post at any given time, so it is definitely not personal.

We know from our user survey and other feedback that there are many people who find just reading posts without writing anything is a real source of comfort. However, I can completely understand that not getting responses must be extremely discouraging.

All of our users are grieving, and people may cope in very different ways. Some people may find it helpful to look for positive ways to move forwards, while others may need a space to vent all of their most negative emotions, and, as in any support group, sometimes those needs may come into conflict with each other. However, we try to encourage everyone to be respectful of others’ needs and to find those users and threads that best meet their own needs.

Different forms of support are right for different people, so I completely understand if you feel that this site is not for you. I just wanted to let you know that your posts have been appreciated, and I’m glad to see that other people have replied and said the same thing.

You will be welcome here at any time if you do want to post, but if you are looking for other ways to get support, here are some suggestions:

  • WAY (if you are under 50) or Way Up (if you are 50+) are online support groups for widows and widowers, but with a focus on allowing members to organise offline meet-ups and social activities.
  • If your husband had any care through a hospice, they may offer a support group
  • Cruse Bereavement offer local support groups through their local branches: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/local-services
  • Sue Ryder’s online bereavement counselling service is available through your Online Community log in, but is separate to the forum: https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

Take care and I wish you all the best.
Community Manager

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Thank you Priscilla. I appreciate your kind words and that of the other’s people to my post. I don’t always write a reply but I do click a like to show I have read and found meaning in the post. Perhaps a little more of that would really help, can’t be the only person who feels the way I do. In terms on moving on, my interaction with the site and the help of Kevin one of your counsellors, I feel I can. I know I’ll have wobbles, have been down for 2 days now but it will pass. These days are my balance to my normal busy routine. If I hit a brick wall, I know where I can turn to. I won’t remove myself so if anyone wants to keep in touch privately that’s absolutely fine with me,


agree would be nice if people at least the odd one pressed like,especially when you write something opening up ur leart for help or at least some support and actually get nothing at all hope you keep up the counselling and do anything else that you feel helps you.


I’m glad you’ve had good support from Kevin and feel that you can move on. Absolutely, if you want to keep your account open, you can private message with anyone you do feel a connection with.

If you want to change your email notification settings so you can control what you hear from the site, you can do this by visiting your profile and clicking ‘edit’.

I’m so sorry you feel this way. I feel the threads move so quickly that it’s difficult to keep up. I said to a friend the other day that it does feel so crushing when you get little or no response. There are many kind and caring people here but so many of us that some of us will be bypassed.
I also often write a reply and then an error message comes up. It feels too exhausting to keep re-trying. I hope you’re ok and totally get what you’re saying. Chell x


Hi Chell,

Just wanted to check whether you saw that you got quite a lot of responses to your conversation that you started here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-bereavement/does-anyone-else-feel?

I’m really sorry to hear that you sometimes get an error message and lose the post you were writing. I am working on upgrading the technology that the site runs on this year, so it’s always good for me to be aware of anything that we can make better, and plan what new features we need. Without more information, I’m not sure what’s causing you to get this error message at the moment, but it may be something we can improve on, or else I can look at whether it is possible to make the site better at saving a draft of your post so that you don’t lose it.

Thanks very much for your feedback.

Community Manager

I am relatively new to the forum - have posted a lot though in the last week or so - but I love the positive posts. I have always been an optimist - my husband said my glass was always half full and if you can offer help going forward I know I am most grateful for any hope you can offer in coping with my loss. My husband was only 60 and he collapsed and died whilst I was still at work just over two weeks ago. I am still coping with the shock but at the same time I need to still be mum to my children. Yes they are grown up - but you never stop wanting to protect them - so no matter how I am feeling I worry for them too. I know there will never be another Gary - but I know I have to carry on without him. He would expect that of me and I have no intention of letting him down. Yes I cry all the time - but so do most of us on here.
So thank you - and I did not even realise there was a like button !
Trisha x.

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