Just when I thought I was doing ok

I lost my wife of 27 years, knew her for almost 30, three years and three months ago. Slowly l have been trying to rebuild my life, I’ve become a volunteer at our local history museum and met some wonderful people and felt things were going towards a ‘new normal’. I returned home today after a week away and felt as though I had enjoyed it and felt better for the break. But after I had been in the house for a while I felt something or other someone was missing. I hadn’t felt like that for ages. Sometimes I just wonder why I bother. It seems as though grief waits until you’re off guard then sneaks up on you and wham you feel that you’re back to square one.


Our other supportive friends on this site call it “ambushe” Grief waits till your slightly on the mend and then attacks .We face endless battles in this overall terrible war
It is so upsetting isn’t .
I had a fairly good day yesterday then something hit me and ai didn’t sleep all night
Hugs xx to all


Hi Pete82, I understand what you mean, it’s been two years three months since my husband died. I’m doing okay but every so often grief just hits me. Last week I’ve been put on the list for a knee replacement, I’m okay about it but when I got home it hit me I’m on my own with this, no husband to support me. I have our children but that can never replace the support of a partner.
Somewhere I read grief is like the sea, all calm then out of the blue you get hit by a large wave which you didn’t see coming.
I wish you well.
Debbie x


Thank you for your kind words. It is a great support to know that others have the same experience.

1 Like

“Ambushed” isnt a bad description, I was ambushed last night, when I got extremely lonely in a crowd, Ive started my own thread of that name.
For me, I prefer to think of it as being like “snakes and ladders”. You make progress, sometimes rapidly by hitting a ladder, then you occasionally hit a slippery snake.
I prefer this analogy, because if you go down a snake, then you immediately set off up the board again, hopefully avoiding a snake, and then eventually:
We get to the top,!!!


Yes I think the analogy of snakes and ladders is appropriate. You put time and effort into climbing the ladder only to find yourself falling back down along the slippery snake.


If you keep trying, you are certain to win at Snakesnand Ladders eventually. Not so with being ambushed.

Hi Debbie, thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear about your knee replacement. I’m sure you will be fine but it will be difficult without the unique support that one’s partner gives. I too have read about grief being like the ocean. I have obviously been caught off guard by a large wave. But to continue the analogy, by posting on here I feel “ship shape” again. Many thanks for your support. Sending you warm thoughts. Peter

1 Like