On the outside, managing well following the death of my husband two months ago. On the inside a mess. I feel like two people, public and private, actor and real. Can anybody relate?
Can totally relate KathEv, it’s 10 months for me since I lost my husband & soul mate and I do feel slightly better than I did, getting used to just me & my little cat in the house.
I don’t know why this happens really, but we seem to put on a “brave face” for the outside world when inside we are grieving terribly for our loss. I do understand you feeling like two people, I certainly felt like that for the first couple of months.
Your situation seems much like mine, I too had a career, then took early retirement so we could share our later life together. Unfortunately this did not happen as my husband suddenly became ill & was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I cared for him at home in the 7 months before his death.
You have to give yourself lots of time to come to terms with what has happened. I know it’s hard but you must look after yourself KathEv after such a terrific shock and such life changing occurrences.
Retiring is fairly difficult in itself, without being newly retired and also newly bereaved.
You will find the strength to cope from somewhere, although it may not seem that way now.
We all understand how you feel. Keep talking & putting your feelings down on here, I find it so helpful.
Sending love to you, Janey xx
So sorry for your loss. It’s heartbreaking. And yes I think we can all relate.
Even in our grieve we try and protect others, making sure we don’t embarrass them or give them cause to worry.
I’m afraid it’s how we seem to live our life’s going forward, well it is for me certainly.
My dad who is 90 face times me every evening. I put on the smile, make sure I’m not in my pjs, pretend I’ve had a busy day even if I haven’t. It’s all terribly exhausting.
Will it ever be any different, who knows
Thank you so much, your words have brought me much comfort just in knowing that there are people just like me going through the same loss and change.
Thank you so much. I know we are not alone in the way we feel but it does seem that way sometimes. Suddenly the house is very big, friends are great but you cannot replace the love you share with someone special and the touch of their skin even when they were very ill. You cannot replace shared signals and communications which were exclusive to just the two of you. There doesn’t seem any logic to death, it’s all very random.
I also lost my husband 9 weeks ago. It was unexpected. Today has been a dreadful day. Like you I feel I’m performing, being brave. Today, I just lost it, constantly crying missing my amazing soulmate. He filled our home with so much love & laughterthat it now feels hollow without him. I’m tired of feeling wretched but then like you chatting on the phone in a cheerful tone. It is exhausting. So yes, I absolutely understand. My husband died unexpectedly & wake up & still can’t believe he isn’t here. But I hope from the many kind people on this thread who give me comfort.