Killer got away with it.

My 29 year old son Stephen officially died on 23/02/2022 4am.
On the 21/02/2023 at 12:30am he was hit by a car, the driver was speeding doing at least 53 mph in a 40mph area, with an extreme weather warning for ice.
I have been informed by the police that he will NOT be charged with any offence. He is free to get on with his life and do all the things my son will no longer be able to do. Just 3 weeks after he killed my son the driver took his girlfriend away on a surprise holiday and proposed to her.
I feel so guilty, I normally took my son to work, but didn’t that night because my car had no MOT and I couldn’t get it done until I was paid.
He said he was getting an Uber, he had the money!!
I feel it is my fault he died, that I let him down because the driver hasn’t been charged with any offence including speeding.
I just can’t move I feel totally paralysed with grief and guilt I don’t know how to move forward, how to get through this, how to carry the guilt

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I’m so sorry you lost your son . I lost mine 10 weeks ago under different circumstances but understand how you feel .
It must be hard . You have no one to blame so you blame yourself .
As time goes on I think theses feelings of guilt and self blame will ease .
Guilt is a natural feeling for any child death .

Why did I let him walk ?
Why did I buy him a car ?
Why didn’t I see how depressed he was was?
Why didn’t I get him Checked out at doctors sooner ?

Let yourself grief and go through all the emotions and eventually it will settle beside you . That’s what I keep telling myself .

We will never get over it but will hopefully be able to live a reasonable life carrying our boys with us in our hearts and minds :heart:


Hi @Eve7 ,
Sorry to hear of your sad loss. The justice system is very unfair, but I believe in karma, he may of dodged a jail sentence, buy fate can pay the driver back better than any court judge can, so try not to make the driver a point of focus, firstly he’s not worth your attention, & secondly, it is an emotionally charged time right now, you need time to grieve, though I understand how utterly heartbroken you must be.
Please don’t blame yourself, I’m sure we’ve all had things in our lives where, if we had known in advance what was going to happen, we would of handled it differently, your car was not in a drivable condition, so you allowed him to be independent, it wasn’t your fault. :pensive: sending hugs of support.

@Tilly13 , what a lovely message, my own baby died some years ago during pregnancy, so I know from experience that your right, we will always carry them in our hearts. :heart:

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Don’t feel guilty,it was the driver that caused your son’s death,I lost my son nearly 2 yrs ago to pneumonia but we had to switch the life support off and I’ll forever feel guilty for that but I know our children would not want us to mourn them but to celebrate their life ,they were warriors who battled life every day and won, sending you love

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So sorry to hear what happened to your son. I lost my daughter 18 months ago. She died from an overdose. I feel guilty. I think every mum or dad that loses a child feels guilty. It seems to be a part of the grief that comes to parents. It’s ‘normal’ tho it’s totally overwhelming. Most of the people who lost a child and come on here will feel guilty too, it seems to come with the territory. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you are guilty tho. The driver was guilty not you. If your best friend was in your situation I am pretty sure you’d be telling her it wasn’t her fault. I think a part of it for me anyway, is that the pain and loss feels so great it feels like someone must be to blame and were there mum or dad so we think it must be us. It’s an overwhelming tragedy and we are sort of trying to make sense of it. You definately aren’t to blame even tho it feels like you are sometimes. Sending love xxxxx