No i agree - people arent with you at all - we’re on this journey alone … people pretend they understand but they dont ! My family dont even try , although my sister has been texting me over xmas ! What people dont.understand is that we miss their presence … them actually being here… i do anyway x
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Sadly thats so true
You are exactly right…
It’s just being in their presence,
Not doing anything fancy, or going anyway ,not even talking to each other…
Just being in their presence…
Missing that… That’s the loneliness and isolation we all feel
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Yep , just sitting around watching t.v or having tea together ! Small things which actually now are sooo huge and so missed … x
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@Sarlyn I’ve just read this list out to my mum & she agreed. There’s nothing like the death of a loved one for ppl to show what or who they really are. Care & support can often come from unexpected quarters. Xx
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My partner passed away seven weeks ago and her two daughters from her first marriage have both turned against me we used to get on really well when my partner became ill four years ago she was diagnosed with COPD and advised to stop smoking I tried very hard to convince her to give it up the one daughter said if she wants to smoke twenty a day just let her do it even though she knew that the hospital consultant said she was killing herself and she needed to stop both daughters then accusing me of not loving her in 2020 my partner was diagnosed with Covid and then long Covid over the last three years I’ve done everything I could do for my partner she was a very strong willed person and at seventy four years old she was working two days a week in a care home some days she was so ill but she insisted on going to work her one daughter was the manager of the home she could see how ill she was but wouldn’t tell her to go home instead she would phone me and ask why I didn’t stop her when she passed away the day after both daughters came to see me and said that it was obvious that I didn’t love her the one said I was a bully who tried to stop her mum from doing what she wanted all I did was try and keep her alive after the funeral they both contacted me to say they wanted all of their mum’s possessions when I said that I was not ready to sort out any of my partner’s belongings they said they were going to take legal advice I couldn’t have loved my partner anymore than I did she was my best friend and carer and meant the world to me I’ve had no one to help me with my grief and loneliness and I ended up in the mental health hospital over Xmas they both said it would be a good thing for me to take my own life
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Hi @Boo2,
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. To have to deal with that alone is more than enough without this ghastly addition of hostility and aggression from her daughters. Unfortunately, dealing with death and bereavement can bring out the absolutely worst in people (and of course the best). What they said to you was outrageous, cruel and totally unacceptable.
Have you been offered any bereavement counselling? Have you been assigned a community mental health worker? I think there are potential sources of support that can be accessed via the Sue Ryder website. Maybe AgeUK is worth checking out as well.
Whatever, keep posting here. The folk in this community will understand what you are going through and offer support and encouragement.
You have done nothing wrong. Try not to let such vicious words get to you. Care for yourself as best you can and try to get as much compassionate support as possible.
Hope and best wishes to you.
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JerryH
Thanks for your reply and yes I am under the mental health teams home service
Some of the support services you mentioned I will be in contact with so many thanks for the kind words
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Oh wow for gods sake ! Tell her daughters to take legal advice ! They wont do anything ! Idiots !! My own kids have turned against me so know the feeling and theyre my own flesh and blood !'you wouldnt know it ! They say im too angry but whenever i spoken to counsellors about it they say its part of grief and that your kids should be supporting you ! But they dont ! They quite happy to take my money though !! Xx
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You will be reunited one day, just when its your time, its hard because all i want to do is see chris and know hes ok and i think thays all we want is yo know they are ok x
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@Donnadon ,yes that’s what keeps me going ,believing I will be with him again for eternity, my husband’s also called Chris , I had a dream not long after he died, I seen him in a shop so I dragged him outside and was kissing and hugging him , then we were in a his car , and I was crying saying the Dr had said he was dead, he was laughing at me ,and said I’m not dead I’m here with you , I then said this better not be a dream , and then i woke up . So I do believe here is with me and one day we will be reunited, sending hugs xtake carex
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Aww bless u i had the same dream about my mam i lost her 27days before chris passed and she was sitting in the spare room and i said what are you doin here she said i will never leave you and il always be here for you, its definitely a visitation not a dream i would dream about chris every night but he dont come to me as much now, i find that hard as i spend allday thinking about him x
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Oh my ,I never thought of it being a visitation, just a beautiful dream . I don’t have many dreams now either, even though each night I go to bed ,I imagine Chris coming into the room , and climbing into bed , and I talk to him all the time , ( in my head). Thank you for giving me that thought ,xtake carex
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You mostly definately have the right to be heart broken. We have all lost someone very close to us on this site and this time of year is particurlary hard. Our griefing whether it be a wife husband mom dad or child who ever we are close to this time is hard and will always be hard as a part of us had died when they passed away , my sincere thoughts to all of us on this site who are struggling at this time.
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Is it fairly recent for you your loss ? When my husband passed i literally one day saw him walking down the road …it was so clear and so sad too … its the brain trying to deal with the trauma of it i read that somewhere … it takes a long time for it to sink in because our brain learns things by repeated behaviour and our brain has not understood yet theyre not coming back 
our heart knows but our brain takes longer to catch up apparently … xx
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Hi@Deb5, it’s over two years since my husband died, I know I’m not dealing with it at all well. I just miss him so so much , I need and want him still in my life here with me . But I do know that will never happen ,not till it’s my time to go to him . Yes the mind is a strange thing . Mine seems to hate me . I do try so hard to live this lonely life , but then my mind starts ,and I go to pieces . …That must of been such a shock thinking you had seen your husband walking down the street. I think I might have ran up to him and started hugging him , and then probably got arrested. !!! Xtake carex
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No i just had to shake my head … and look away … i cried my eyes out though . He was doing his usual expression - he was shy you c … xx a year in i struggle still and xmas has been truly awful this year ! It really has @ im glad its all over - i really am !!! I just hope something nice happens this year !! Anything just something to make me happier !! I will find it ! Im damned if im gonna be this unhapoy rest of my life ! Just gimme a break will you universe !!!
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Yes i seen a physic after i lost chris and he told me when they come to you in dreams its them visiting you, and dreams like that when they let you know they are ok are when it gives you something to think about, i asked chris to send me a shooting star the other night when we had a shower i waited and waited nothing, was taking my son to school the next morning and a shooting star flew across the sky thay surley isnt a coincidence x
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Wow … you know when my husband was very poorly … near the end … i saw a shooting star … it really moved me ! Never. Ever seen one before or since … i just knew it was end of an era and i hope i can move into new one and “belong” somewhere or in some way … i just feel so lost without him x
Oh my , definitely not a coincidence, that must of given you so much comfort. I always asked my husband every night to come and get me , one night I dreamed we where in bed ( tmi) sorry , and he said come with me to get more comfortable , stupid me woke up and got out of the bed. I still think that was my chance to be with him again , he had come to get me ,but I spoiled it . This stupid mind of mine over thinks everything now . Xtake carex
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