Hi, like to see if anyone u derstands what I’m feeling today? I can’t remember the last normal conversation I had with my husband, it seems to be really important? My husband passed away when the medical team didn’t think he would, I never got the chance to say loving things before he passed away & that makes me feel sad, I felt i was complete no to terms with th gs but picking up my husbands ashes this week seems to have put me backwards, I wish I could have told him how important he was to me when he was completely lucid, all I can think about are the times I moaned at him over silly things.
I completely understand how you feel. My partner was very tired and was not up to much conversation during his last few days and we were not really expecting him to go so quickly although we knew it was terminal. I feel so guilty about when we had arguments or I was so stressed and like you moaned about silly things. I wish we had talked more about how much fun we had had during our 10 years together and the deep love we shared for each other.But he always put off any discussions about what we had done or were going to do as he thought he had another 7 months to live and “plenty time” to talk about stuff that was important and meaningful. Like you I keep wishing I had told him more how much I loved him and how happy he had made me although I know in my heart he knew all this. And we did say constantly we loved each other very much . I talk to him all the time and say sorry to him for any pain or upset I gave him in our relationship . Why does this guilt cause me so much pain ? Why can’t I just believe he was happy with me and glad we did so much together through laughter and tears? Everyone tells me he loved me and the life we had and he often said he wished we had met many years before. Grief is so cruel .