Last conversations with loved ones

I read this moving article on the Guardian website, where readers shared the last conversations that they had with their late loved ones: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jul/26/last-conversations-with-loved-ones-our-readers-share-their-stories

What do you think?

I don’t like thinking of my last conversation as that morning when I said goodbye to my partner I was going to the hospital and he was going to the dentist then going swimming, he had a heart attack getting out of the pool and I never saw him alive again, I had to identify him in the morgue… this was the worst thing I have ever had to do, my story is much longer to go into now…

It’s understandable that it’s difficult to think about, especially if you had no idea it would be the last one. However, it’s not just the last one that’s important, but all the many conversations you had together over the years.

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Hello Mo - I see you have an unwelcome anniversary coming up in a couple of days and I hope you find the strength to get through it. I lost my younger sister (and only sibling) just two months ago after a very short battle with cancer - just 8 weeks from diagnosis to death. As Priscilla says the important thing is to focus on all the times and all the conversations you had together. My poor sister was pretty much out of it for the last two weeks of her life so I never really got the opportunity to do the Hollywood Movie style emotional goodbye, or to have the meaningful last conversation. What I did have the opportunity to do do, however, was have her in my life for her all too short 55 years. I have thousands (literally) of photographs and millions of memories and those are my coping tools. The photos always make me cry but it’s a cathartic, almost cleansing experience to do that sometimes. The world has changed forever and we simply have to find a new way of facing it. Best of luck for this week. Steve

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Hi Steve… Thank you so much for your kind words, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister… You sound like you were and are a lovely brother…
I am trying to be positive this week and focus on the good times, as we had many.
I am taking the day off on Thursday and having dinner with my best friend who has helped me through the last year, as my twin sister and wonderful friends have. I am at the moment typing up my story for Sue Ryder case study, which is helping me remember the good life I had with my partner.
Thank you again Steve… Best wishes to you… Mo

It’s a pleasure Mo. It’s always good to know you’re not alone and that others share your sorrow and your suffering. My parents have been gone for some years (Dad died in 1998 and Mum in 2003) and now I don’t commemorate the date of their deaths - it’s not a day I like to remember. I celebrate their birthdays and other positive life milestones but my sister and I agreed that we would not visit their graves on the day that they died. We remembered them always and fondly so didn’t feel that we needed to pout ourselves through that. It took us several years to get to that stage, however. I guess we all find our own way. Always here if you need a chat. Best. Steve

Thanks Steve your are very kind, I lost my Dad in 1998 5th November when the fire works go off I feel he is saying Hi to me… Likewise if you need to chat… Mo

Have not been following very often lately as been some very dark days since my husband passed away( May)
I can’t seem to forget my last conversation with my husband and it seems to have taken over my life recently. My husband had terminal agitation in the last few days of his life so I have since been told by the hospice. I stayed with my husband 24/7 the last week before he passed away and he awoke early one morning and started to talk to me and as the conversation went on he got really nasty with me and didn’t want me to touch him and to go away, well they tell me he wouldn’t have known what he was saying due to all the drugs he was on but it is hard to except when you have to live this for the rest of your life, you see this is the last conversation we had before he passed away and if only I could have told him how much I loved him and just to hear him repeat these words back to me instead of shouting at me. I will never forget that auful night.

That’s so sad, I’m sorry to hear that your last conversation was such an upsetting one. I’m sure they are right that he was not himself and it was the drugs talking, but that is still a horrible memory for you to have to carry with you.

A lot of people find that they struggle with bad memories of their loved ones last days. However, usually, in time, they find that can spend less time thinking about these, and more time thinking about the good memories. I expect that you said you loved each other many times over the years - that last difficult conversation can’t change how important that is.

Thank you Priscilla. Yes I suppose you are right it will ease, but still very raw at present. Spending a lot of my time going through photos of our lovely holidays spent together over the 40yrs plus we were together.
Night times are the worse when it is quiet as it is for many in the same position as myself. Thanks for taking time to come to me.

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Barn owl
Can’t really remember the last real coversation with my fiance due to his brain tumour but I remember the last thing I said to him as I left him in hospital ’ fight for me the nurses and doctors are doing all they can … I love you be back in the morning ‘’ … The doctors told me to go home and he would look better in the morning but he had different plans … I reget going and should have said no I’m staying … they called to say he had taken a turn for the worst at 2.20 am we missed his passing by minutes … thinking back at what I said to him seems quite selfish now as he was never going get better and I so wish I’d stayed … I was comforted a little by knowing one our friends worked as nurse in the cancer ward and had been to see him … and the doctor got message to me through her saying how shocked that he had passed … As for your last conversation with your husband … My friend the cancer nurse said they really don’t know how they are acting or saying although I appriciate how disrdistressing it was for you … force the good times in your memory and push bad ones out … I did this when my dad passed away in hospital 25 years ago …I was 25 when i saw him in icu … the tubes coming out off him everywhere I nearly passed out …nurse caught me in time it was the 1st and last time I told him I loved him ( stiff upper lipped farming stock ) he also passed away at 2.30am …8 children he had and he passed away on his own big regret and you would have thought I’d learnt something … but I forced those memories out off my head and Tuesday is his memorium I will light a candle for him at home by his photo and in about 2 weeks time I will get a xmas photo I have of him in big ginoumous xmas pants over his trousers with odd slippers on cus he has 2 pairs brought him so he wore one off each to show no favourites … I get this out of the atic and it will make me smile and remember the good stuff and because off this I know in time when I look at photo’s and videos of my fiance instead of crying I hope to smile and laugh … My hearts with you xx

The last words I said to my darling friend was I wont be a minute just going to the loo I had sat with him in the hospital that night from 7pm until 6am in the morning and 3.05 I had to go to the loo and he died in that very minute I left the bed and went to the door think they know when -I miss him so much-he was in all the papers and had the big elephant leg which was never treated

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