Learning to do things on my own

Today for the first time since Tim died I had to go out in my car. The last few times I drove Tim was with me. I didn’t expect it to affect me as it did. By the time I had got to my sons house tears were streaming down my face and my heart was pounding. Both my sons live in Coventry and I am currently staying with one of them. I have never driven round a big city before as I live in the country with not much traffic. Anyway I had to negotiate my way through city traffic in order to take my son where he needed to be. I could feel Tim telling me to calm down and not to panic. It worked and now I feel quite proud of me for doing something I have never done before and I am sure Tim will be very proud of me.


I just will not drive in cities unless there is no alternative. My first choice always is to drive into my local town and then its bus or train. I think you must be a very confident driver. It seems a long time ago since I did anything like that.
That’s not a little step. It’s a very long stride.

Hi. So sorry for your loss. It’s such a big thing facing something head on that you’re in dread of. Well done for the driving…pat yourself on the back. I too am finding that I am nervous about certain things…I think it’s an anxiety response to grief…loss if confidence. Initially I wasn’t keen on driving but that has come right. Take it steady, one small step at a time…seems like you’re doing really well. Xx

Thank you YorkshireLad, before Tim got ill he would do most of the driving and I was happy to let him. Then when I had to drive him to hospital and doctors appointments I realised how much he liked to be " chauffeured " around, so I did all the driving but only around small towns and villages. I really am not a confident driver, never have been but needs must. It took a huge emotional toll on me yesterday, a long stride as you said but I like to think that Tim would be proud of me

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Thank you Annette, I must admit it was really brave of me, I would, in the past, normally try to avoid driving, expecting Tim to do it. But now he’s not here I will have to continue being brave. During his short illness Tim couldn’t drive but he loved being " chauffeured around" he was even contemplating buying me a chauffeurs cap. Even though he was so poorly he never lost his sense of humour, just one of the many things that made him so special.

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Yes there’s certainly alot of changes in our daily lives once our partner has gone. I need to sell one more car…two I’ve already dealt with. This last one I’m finding it hard to arrange but I know it has to go especially since I’m moving soon and don’t need an extra car in tow!
Keep going…every step is an achievement…I know how hard it is. Xx

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