Life after bereavement

I am feeling very alone and I miss the companionship I had with my friend Anne who died in September. Everyday I wake up dreading another day without her in my life. If I could have the courage I would commit suicide so I could be with her again.

Martin, it’s no consolation but this is exactly how I feel after losing my husband in June. Those four months have been a living nightmare. Waking up to yet another long day without your loved one is unbearable and, like you, I have found myself wanting to go to sleep and never wake up again, but I have a family and it would be dreadful for them after just losing their father. Otherwise I would have done something to be with him again. There’s not much I can offer you except my condolences on your loss, and the hope that you and I, and all those who are suffering the same, will eventually be able to come to terms with it and move on. it’s not going to be easy but we will get there even though we will never forget the person we loved and lost.

Hello Martin and I am so very sorry for what you are going through, but believe you me, we all feel the same way. When my husband died, I wanted to die as well. Our sons said to me, mum, don’t you love us, I know you have lost our dad but so have we and with you saying you want to die to be with him makes us feel as if you don’t care about us. That was a real wake-up call. I have been grieving for my husband for over three years now and will grieve forever but we have to get through it somehow. We do not know how brave we are until we are faced with the death of a loved one. All I can say to you is to get through it one day at a time, don’t plan ahead just get up in the morning and live moment to moment, be there for her family because they are also going through hell and need all the support they can get, so it is about consoling each other at this terrible time. Take care. Sheila xx

Hi Martin,

I’m really sorry for the loss of your friend Anne. It’s natural that you miss her very much, and I’m sorry to hear that you have had thoughts of suicide.

It’s not unusual to have thoughts like this after a bereavement, and I’m glad to hear that you don’t feel you would act on those thoughts. It’s still important to get some support where you can, and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here and had some supportive replies.

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

  • You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

  • Cruse Bereavement offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677​, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services

You deserve care and support so please, Martin, get in touch with one of these services.

If you ever feel you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Priscilla
Community Manager

Thank you for your condolences. Anne was my family as I don’t have any brothers or sisters and I am not married. She was a great support when I lost my parents, as I was lost without them too.

I am aware of the Samaritans and I have rung them several times. I am also receiving counselling from the Hospice where Anne died. I don’t think my GP can help me other than prescribe anti-depressants which is not the answer I am looking for. I just wish I could be with my beloved Anne.

I am aware of the Samaritans and I have rung them several times. I am also receiving counselling from the Hospice where Anne died. I don’t think my GP can help me other than prescribe anti-depressants which is not the answer I am looking for. I just wish I could be with my beloved Anne.

That’s good to hear that you are getting support from the Samaritans and the hospice counselling service. It’s sad that you don’t have any family - Anne must have been so important to you. I hope that talking to other bereaved people on this site can help you feel a tiny bit less alone in what you are going through.

Its a shame so many people are lonely and we never meet!!! Are we allowed to put our private e mails on these forum messages I dont mind mine being put on if anyone wants to e mail me??

Hi Kris, I have met many people on different forums over the past three years which I have found later closed down for some reason or another so we passed our emails to one another and have now become friends. I have friends in Australia and all over the UK I have had the pleasure to talk to on these forums, we email every so often keeping each other in touch with how we are going on and giving support when needed. For some people, these are the only conversations they have with people.

I’m so sorry to hear the suffering you are all going through, but I do find it helpful to learn that I am not alone in these struggles . Does anybody know about counselling for betevment as I haven’t ever had any, and because my mum died 7 years ago I feel stupid approaching one now?

I live alone and am retired with no family. I find people expect one to get over it after just a few months which no one can do and people cope with grief different. I dont have a social life at all and I live but not living my life like I would like. I seem to go to bed early and just read as one can only watch so much tv I am very lonely and when I go shopping etc its always alone!!! I miss my dear friend who died through NHS negligence so much and it is very hard. I am spending Christmas in a hotel of course going alone just hope there will be other nice people who WILL talk to me and not look at me with suspicion or not want to talk to me

Hi am alan i just lost my partner of 12 years jayne 2 weeks ago and all alone and totally lost and to make matters worse her family which i classed as own and did not live with me or jayne have nerve to say i got first choice on buying house i shared with jayne which i feel disrepectful and am after people to make friends with to help me cope.

Hello Alan, I am so sorry for what you are going through, it is a terrible time and will be for quite a long time to come. Just to clarify, are you saying Jayne’s family are telling you they want first choice on buying your home that you and Jayne shared. If this is what they are saying then I think they are disgusting, heartless people and do not even deserve the courtesy of a reply. Why on earth would that even enter their minds at a terrible time like this, they should be doing everything to support you. I remember when my husband died three years ago after a few years of being ill, I rang my then so called best friend to tell her and the first thing she said to me was ‘well, it is for the best’. I slammed down the 'phone and our friendship ended there and then. People say the most cruel things and that is when we find out who are friends are. I have definitely found out who my friends are not since my husband died. If I were you, I would ignore what they have said, you have to get through all the arrangements that needs to be done and whether you will ask your own family to help you or Jayne’s family will depend on yourself, she was your partner and it is your home so just do what needs to be done and put everything else out of your mind, you have enough to cope with in the coming weeks without worrying about heartless people. Take care. Sheilaxx

They are saying as it was there mams home as was mine that she said she left it to them and putting up for sale we only had funeral last thursday and they offered me first choice of buying it so shows what they like but i think its only her daughter and the two sons just going along with her and they let me down big style when i need them most as i suffer from depression due to hassle over my disabled son and him not wanting to go back to his mam which meant as courts said i could not see him i wanted to commit suicide but jayne helpef me through it and was her voice in my head stopped me and after 6 years i start to see him again as his mam does not have anyone to watch him on a weekend now so i get him and now i lose jayne and best of all her daughter day before funeral said this and i bit my lip and then offered me first chance to buy it yest and best of all they were going through my and het bedroom day after looking for mortgaga letters and now i thank yoi for reply i need help where ever i can and people like you who been through the same thanks for your reply

It sounds as if you need help with a number of things. Go to citizens advice and tell them what is happening and they can point you in the right direction. You are going through more than one scenario at the moment and you need some help to get it sorted out.

Thank you for the reply appreciate it and already started ball rolling by seeking legal advice am just upset so soon after losing jayne they are been like vultchers i come on here as was needing support and getting lots which is great a really just want to get used to losing jayne but now i got to try protect what i had with jayne on not let them take water out of me she be digusted way they ate behaving and real help been on here and am grateful to my sister in law for pointing me here .

I just want to ge used to been on own and feel hurt by them it not right way they behaving

Dear Alan, I am so glad you have your sister-in-law to help you and with someone by your side things will be much easier to get through. Grief on it’s own is a nightmare but when you are also going through other bad things it makes it a million times worse. Take it one day at a time and let your family help you through it. I hope everything sorts itself out for the best. Take care. Sheila xxxx

Thank you i was and am struggling but after way i been treated by her family i am dertimed to fight for our home out of principal of it now which i would not have if left me to grieve properly and as you said it times like these you know who you can trust keep in touch it nice to know people out there going through what i am and i never thought of websites likes this and it really helpful to have somebody to understand how you feel xxx