life after my mum passing

i lost my mum two years ago its coming up to the third anniversary of her passing which is always the worst. i have to stay strong because i have my younger sibling to look after and im the oldest out of 5 i sometime feel like im not the best responsible adult for them but we literally dont have anyone else. most family members dont really bother with us but ino they’re there. im scarred for the future well pretty much every day am scared something isnt going to go right or im going to have some sort of break down and not be able to be there for them… does anyone else have the feelings of not feeling like the best resposible person sometime i feel like am being selfish because i just want to run away from all responsibility iv’e never actually had time to grieve

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Hi shanny. I think you underestimate what you are capable of. We all do to some extent. If it’s three nearly ago you must have be brave in tge maenrime and have coped. But don’t ever put a time limit on grief. Three months or three yras can be justas painful
Your remark abiut not having ahd time to grieve may be the cause of your distress. Grieveing is a process we need go through. Some cope well, others tqake it so badly they literally cqan’t cope and almost give up. I say ‘almost’ becuse rarely does anyone totally give up.
Can I suggest, even with all the reponsibility you have, that you atke time for yourself, or try to. I don’t know your circumstances but devoting all your ehergy to aothers, as good as it may be, does not allow you your own space. And it’s in that space you can grive.
You won’t breakdown. That would have happened by now. This site can be a big help to you because there are others who have accepted responsibility for their siblings when parents die.

Sorry. Posted before I could finish. No spelling correction.
Try and give some of the love you give others to yourself as well. The feeling of wanting to run away is natural and normal in the circumstances. Don’t flog yourself with guilt. I am sure you do your best, you can’t do more.
Take care and come back and talk again if you want. We all listen. Bless you.

Hi Shanny - I think you are brave and strong to cope with such a loss and shoulder such responsibility. I hope thought hat you do have one or two trusted friend you can call upon.
I also hope that in during year three your grief will be more bearable now that you have weathered two years of anniversaries and in saluting your here with everyone else I wish you good luck for the next year.