Does life really go on. It’s 11 weeks since my world was shattered and my beautiful julie left me, since that day my life has been completely lonely and miserable, I cry everyday and have no motivation to do anything, carrying on now seems pointless I have no life, Julie was my whole world, she was my happy ending and now she has gone, I’m 58 and my life is supposed to carry on, so why do I wake on every morning wishing I was me who was dead,
I watched my Julie take her last dying breath and it haunts me to think I had to just sit there and watch my gorgeous wife go and I could do nothing to save her . My whole life ended when my Julie passed so now I have no life to carry on with. Feeling on a all time low that just keeps getting worse and worse.
Life does go on I feel the same some days what’s the point, then I think how lucky I was to have been married to
my wonderful husband for nearly 40 years, he was the love of my life and I was his , I also believe one day we will be together forever, just remember she’s with you always she’s never left you
No easy way I’m afraid. We’ve loved and lost and they are just not coming back, simple as that. We will always love them and never forget them. As hard as it is sounds, it’s a fact that we do carry on, somehow. We just have to. But, I believe, there is no point in getting ourselves in a bigger hole than we already are. Once we face up to the reality, we can take baby steps forward. We just have to look deep inside ourselves and ask 'Do I want to make myself miserable for the rest of my life?", “Would my partner want me to be miserable?”. The answer is “No”. Unfortunately life is cruel but we are still here on Earth and deserve to be happy, however hard that seems right now. We have to take little steps and do things to make ourselves feel a bit better, “be kind to ourselves”, however hard that sounds, it’s the truth. We continue on. We have to fight to motivate ourselves onwards. They are still around us, guiding us. They are now free of pain and suffering, and enjoying their new life surrounded by love and past loved ones, I believe. They want us to be happy. They do not want us to be in pain. We will see them again when our time comes. I read up on books. I read up on the afterlife too. It gives me comfort. That’s all we can hope for. And one day, there may be just a little ray of sunshine, believe it, because we all deserve happiness. But it is down to us to find that happiness again, however hard to seems right now, it will happen. Hugs. xxx
@Wayne2 . Today I am with you. Whilst I was getting better the past week has been awful. Rang the surgery at 08:30 and had spoken to a doctor by 09:10. He has prescribed anti depressants and booked another follow up in 4 weeks. Also provided a link to talking therapy on top of the grief counselling I am waiting for. Meanwhile trying to put my recycling out I smashed a bottle on the kitchen floor. My lovely neighbour came straight over and cleared it all up for me. She is also organising a girls night for me at my house. Hopefully one of us can open the Prosecco as so far I haven’t been able to. Xx. Sandra
Hi, still waiting for my good days, just don’t seem to be having any, just struggling to except my Julie has gone, just feeling so depressed and low and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier, not been to the doctors yet but feel like I might need antidepressants, but do they help?
Firstly 11 weeks is such early days and wouldn’t expect you to be doing anything but crying, it’s absolutely brutal at the beginning but I promise you you will get some bad days. Anti depressants are your choice but they won’t stop the pain, the grief, the missing them, the pain of losing your future, the loss of what made you two you.
And that loss hurts and will continue to hurt but in between you will start to have glimmers of hope and lighter days. Days where the pain is not all consuming and the pain becomes a dull ache.
Life is what we make it. It’ll be what you want you want it to be.
What would your wife want for you? How did she want you to move forward?
I live my life the way I know my partner would want me to. He wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of the life that I have left crying over him and not living a life. It’s hard, it’s unbearable some days but now, I have more good days than bad.
I wish you luck.
My wife never spoke about her cancer diagnosis, it was a no go conversion, she seen it as a negative so we were never able to discuss what she wanted once she passed, so we never had any discussion about my feelings and future, but I know your right she was a fighter and wanted to live and she would have wanted me to be the same, still doesn’t make it any easier to except and carry on. X
From posts on here they do seem to. I hope they work.
One of the factor that I believe makes our grief so much worse is living alone. It is the first time I have ever lived alone, and I hate it,
The loss and loneliness is unbelievable, just having someone by your side to be near you and to talk to, it’s something you just take for granted until you lose you soul mate.
It’s just horrible @Wayne2 and I really do believe, it’s not helping us. There’s no real answer, but having a dog or a cat seems to be helping a lot of people. Is it a possibility for you?
I live in an apartment and we aren’t allowed to have pets.
I already have a cat but doesn’t really help me and he’s very old and not so well which is just another worry for me. X
Seems like the world around us just carries on when we all all trapped in this lonely sad nightmare, only people who are in this position can understand the pain and loneliness, friends and family although all mean we’ll just don’t understand how hard it is to move forward.
This has hit me a lot this week. I’m 58 and just miss being ‘us’. All the normal things and I just can’t believe I have got to nearly 8 months without him. But life is getting easier and there are sparks of hope breaking through.
@Wayne2 i feel exactly like that. .my world has crashed and it’s carrying on without me now , that’s how it feels .
A friend has just got married - I can’t even relate and don’t want to look at photos . It’s such an awful feeling .
Thankfully this site helps speaking to people who understand x
Bit harsh tbh … easier said than done when your whole world has imploded … life isnt easy at best of times ! This has just made it 10 times harder …
deb5 maybe I am struggling to except what’s happened and to come to terms with it, everyone deals with things differently, but as you say life is tough and this just makes it so much harder, thanks . X
Sorry, it wasn’t meant to sound harsh. Just facing facts. In the early days it is so so raw, but it does get a little more manageable as time moves on. I just don’t want to live on being miserable each day. Just brings yourself down. We all cope differently. xx
@Wayne2 and @Deb5
It is very, very tough and I said in an earlier post, living alone for the first time in our lives, in my opinion, can make grieving even worse,
I was same @Wayne2 … missed my husband just being next to me and talking to me … it takes some getting used to for sure. Im 9 months into this journey and still finding it tough … maybe not as hard as early days but a day doesnt go by without me thinking, usually crying for my husband ! I think its only caring people who have got me through … you are very early days you know 
xxx