Life’s NOT a bowl of cherries

We would often sit and talk about when one of us pass away what we would want the one left to do. Rob ALWAYS said to me I want you to move on and not be alone and unhappy . That’s easier said than done.
I don’t wish to sound miserable but how can you go places on your own it’s really not the same as going with another person .
Everyday I say to Rob “ well I didn’t expect my life to turn out like this, it’s not a life it’s an existence .
I spend a lot of time on my own as I’m sure most of us on here do and that worrying thing is it’s now becoming my comfort zone .
I can’t believe how much my life has changed and to say we worked opposite shifts I should be more used to being on my own but just not 24/7

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Hi @Kazzer, thank you for sharing your feelings - I think a lot of our members will be able to relate. As you say, spending time alone can become too comforting. Cruse have some information on loneliness and grief - there are a few ideas here for how to get out of that comfort zone, if you’d find that helpful. https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/effects-of-grief/grief-and-loneliness/

Thanks again for reaching out, please do keep talking to us.
Seaneen

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Hi Kazzer
I totally understand what you are saying. Mark left me a letter saying he wanted me to get on with my life and surround myself with family and friends. I do try and I do have good family and friends but they have their own lives to live so can’t be there for me all the time not that I would expect them to. I spend a lot of my time alone and I think it’s starting to be my comfort zone. I keep saying I’m going to make an effort and arrange to meet up with people and I have done a few times but it is really difficult. I suppose we have to push ourselves todo it as being on our own so much cannot be a good thing.
Take care xx

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Hello,sorry for your loss……I know the feeling,I have just lost my wife we were together 28 years, no children and I feel so alone, and yes I often wonder how the hell has this happened,why???...Life is so bloody cruel at times,my wife was just 57.I’m 52 and I really can’t cope on my own,it’s like I want someone but I DONT sort of thing ,it’s the emptiness,the loneliness,I mean I haven’t been on my own since I was 24/25, and then I wasn’t on my own I was living with parents………….What I do know is at 52 I cannot spend the rest of my life alone.At the moment I’m still not in work,don’t even know if I’ll go back,but I miss companionship,going for a walk,a meal…………In the last 10 days of my wife’s life we had some amazing chats,she was so worried how I was going to cope,she said get a dog it will get you up in the morning,and make you go for a walk,sell the house,get a bungalow but make sure you got room for our nieces to stay!!! ,sell the cars get a jeep, easier for the dog!!! She was amazing…………And finally she said…….In time I hope you meet someone as nice as me……what a thing to say on your deathbed…………I miss her so much,and I’m really struggling without her

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Donant life is cruel Rob and I were married for 33 years and together 34 he was taken so suddenly without any prior warning at the age of 56 in-fact from him taking Ill to passing was 5 hours so I had no time to prepare no time to say anything only in resus when I was rabbiting on about anything really .
It doesn’t get any easier I think we just learn to live with how our lives are now. I try each day to make him proud and try to do things as I think he would do them , he really was my rock ,my teacher ,my go to person which I will be eternally grateful for .
I suppose all we can do is to try to stay strong and do our best
Take care Karen❤️

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Donant you sound exactly like me .

I’m 54 my wife was 51 , she had a very bad cancer for 12 months , she died 31 st May , we had around 3 months knowing she was going to die , 5 weeks officially but SHE knew , we talked months ago about my future one night , i was in tears after coming in from the beach with the dog. I told her that seeing couples walking with their dog wasn’t going to be me upset me . She was just amazing , took my hand in tears and said she wants me to love again . She was just simply amazing , leaving letters for all our friends and family and me , she reiterated what she wants me to do , find someone who will love me as much as her, how the hell can I do that , but I get her message .

Because her illness made her unable to do anything around the house I had to adapt to being the homemaker , shopping etc walk the dog , sort my stepson out who has Asperger’s , it’s made me able to cope with what has been given to me in life .

I can’t make her come back , I yearn every day but it’s not gonna happen. Our marriage has made me a man, her loss to me is incredible but I vowed to live how she wanted me to . I know my responsibilities, I promised her to look after her son, my son now , I will in time look for a relationship but I’m simply no where near thinking of that yet , I will wait till after xmas and if it happens so be it , I’m not going to let it be majorly important to me though .

She will ALWAYS be with me , in my heart , I know 100% that .

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Hi…….yes you’re right……we are too young to just have our life to end…………But like you……how the hell do we go about finding anyone else,my last girlfriend before my wife,I was 22!!..… I’m 53 next month…….like you I don’t think I could go looking,just see what happens in the new year……
We are starting on a journey of a new life,we don’t want it,and long for our old life but sadly can never have…
Stay strong mate