Life will never be normal

Does anyone want to scream at the TV ever time this is said about the end of lockdown. Life returning to ‘normal’. Life will never be normal again for those who have lost their partner, their soulmate & love of their life. I buried my Derek beginning January 20, he passed away just before Christmas. Then we had Covid & lockdown, it’s been the most surreal 16 months since he left. I’m actually quite anxious about lockdown ending, it’s enabled me to retreat from the world & not have to make excuses about going anywhere. I don’t want to be that person without their partner, going out without him would be like part of me missing. Everyone says I’m doing well, I’m so strong. They don’t see that person that cries every morning before having to face another day. That person who kisses her husbands photo every night & sleeps with his favourite jumper sprayed with his aftershave. It’s all a charade of pretending to be coping ok & it wears you down. Life will never be normal & I don’t know how to move forward into a future without him.

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Hi Jodie1712 your words mirror my thoughts except for the jumper I do as you do. Who would have thought kissing an image would have helped. Not me for sure but it does offer some peace befor sleep. I wish I had answers but I dont. Just plodding along and taking everything as it comes.

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Dear Jode1712, I’m so sorry for your loss. My partner died on February 7th 2021. I’d just like to say I completely agree with you and everything you say from crying numerous times a day, kissing photos to sleeping with favourite jumpers applies to me too and I expect lots of others on this site too. I blow kisses at his photos and say the same things I always did so I can hear his voice in my head replying as he always did. I miss him with every heartbeat and always will. There will never be a normal ever again!

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I am so sorry for how you are feeling. I understand because I am feeling the same. I lost my soulmate of 34 years suddenly 6 weeks ago. I have found that the website refugeingrief is very good. It’s written by someone who lost her partner. She also has written a book ‘It’s ok that you’re not ok’. Sending hugs

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15 weeks this week, my heart is in tatters, my soulmate & best friend for over 42 years gone due to covid. Still not accepted it doubt I ever will. Our road map for our retirement together was humble, doing as much as we wanted or as little as we wished. But together. In our 60’s we still held hands. In the car he would change gear & lay his hand on top of mine, telling me he loved me without words. His friend today told me he listened to Hurt, the last song recorded by Johnny Cash & it made him cry, the words just bore into your heart.

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Me and my wife were also planning to retire next year; we have starting looking for apartments in Taiwan. We both loved the place and people; our plan was humble: just be together after years of work and effort in raising up our daughter. After 32 years together we still held hands. Doing little things together, or simply doing nothing together, were good enough for the 2 of us. But it seems I was asking too much. And she was taken away from me. My wife and my family were the one thing I was so proud of, over fortune or fame, if I had any. Now I felt I’ve lost all my confidence. That’s unfair. Life is cruel.

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Dear Jodel712

I concur ‘life will never be normal’. My husband was taken from me in September and my world came to an end that same day. I barely function most days - except when I have our eldest little grandson (he is only 16 months) and have to be the cheery Nan as he picks up on every emotion. I sometimes find him looking up the corridor of our bungalow and wonder if he is looking for the granda who was totally devoted to him. I have no sense that my husband is by my side but can only hope he is watching over our grandsons (second is only two weeks old).

I get up every morning and cry. Go shopping and return (usually without most of what I went for) and cry and then cry most evenings as I sit looking at where my husband should be sitting. I feel vulnerable now when I go out, even just to the shops. I hide my emotions to most people as I am sick of hearing that I need to move forward once lockdown is over. Move forward to what I scream inside.

I do not consider myself to have a future anymore. I have the past and the now and that’s all I can cope with.

Take care and thinking of you and all those suffering the unimaginable loss of loved ones.

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I know exactly what you mean and I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Although it is nearly seven years since my husband died, I found the lockdown to be quite helpful in a way as our sons weren’t nattering me to go out more mum do this and do that mum. I have had a peaceful 15 months being left alone to do what I want to do when I want to do it because when I went out it was always alone as all our friends we have known since the 1960’s still have their husbands, I am the only one who has lost hers even though I am nearly 80 years old.

I too am slightly anxious about the lockdown finishing as I know our sons will once again be pestering me to go out, in fact, one son has started telling me to go out more now. He is today moving further away from me so I will be seeing him less than I am doing now which is every few months.

We hide our tears from friends and neighbours and pretend we are doing okay, like I say even after nearly seven years, I will never get over the loss of my husband. What I have done is learned to live a different life, but it is a life I don’t want and a life I hate.

All I can say is take it one day at a time, as that is all anyone can do in our position, I still take it one day at a time, the only thing I write on my calendar is when my chiropodist is coming or when I have a doctors appointment which at the moment is not at all as they are still not seeing patients.

I have no plans to go anywhere, I get up in the morning, have breakfast, get dressed, sometimes if it is cold and raining, I don’t even get dressed, what is the point, no-one is coming. It is really an existence now.

Please take care.

Love
Sheila.x

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