My mom suddenly passed away in July after months of ill health with pneumonia, tumours, swelling, severe weight loss among other issues. She had an aortic aneurysm that was never looked into for 3years and this was the cause of her death. At 64yrs old her aneurysm ruptured and she died suddenly. I had taken 5 weeks off work prior to care for her but she sent me away one night referring to herself as a ‘burden’ - certainly not the case, but with a 6yr old child I welcomed the break, only for me to wake up to my brother telling me that she had died that night. I can’t help but blame myself for not being there to help her or even perform CPR. People/doctors keep telling me that it would have been instant death for her but it doesn’t take the blame away. My dad left when I was young and I had a step father for 14years who drinks very heavily, decided to meet another woman and to clear my mothers pension money without permission. I have removed him from the house and have since found out he is telling people he has cancer. I feel completely stuck in what direction to go…I have left my job and feel unsure how to turn my life around right now.
I’m so sorry to hear that your mom passed away, and that you don’t have a relationship with your dad or stepfather. Guilt is a really common part of grief, and it is natural to wonder what would have happened if you’d been there. However, it sounds as though you were doing a lot to support your mom all on your own and I don’t think anyone can blame you for taking a break.
Do you have anyone that you can talk to about how you are feeling, such as your brother, or a supportive friend? It’s important to be able to let your emotions out sometimes, so writing things down here on this site can also be helpful.
While you wait for more replies to your post, you may want to read and reply to some posts by others who’ve lost parents, for example:
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I totally believe your mother didn’t want you there when she passed x things happen for a reason take it a day at a time and remember to just breath. Your little one will help you through x