Life without mum

My mum passed away nearly a year ago and still the pain is unbearable. We were really close and just feel so empty without her. Am married but my husband has never been through this, so he doesn’t understand. I put mum in a nursing home because she wasn’t coping at home and at first everything was great, but after about 5 months mum’s health deteriorated and some days she became really confused. One day after mum had been really confused and had refused to take her medication, went again the next day, and they had given her something to make her sleep, but mum was completely out of it all day. Feel so guilty. I should have given up my job, and moved her in with me. Not being able to turn back time, and feeling guilty is eating me up. I try to keep things normal at home as I know this is hard for my husband to understand, but inside just feel so lost without her. I really believe that when we pass away, we see our loved ones again, I keep wishing I could fast forward my life, like on a remote control, to the day I pass, just so that all this pain will end and I can be with her again. I know that I will never be the same person again. Feeling like this all the time is exhausting.
Mum is the first thing I think about when I wake up , before I go to sleep, and in my thoughts all day

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Hi Jasmine, you must try and stop feeling guilty, you did the very best for your Mum and your family at the time, you have no idea how things would have turned out if you had had her at home with you, you might have come to resent her which would have been so much worse, have you tried counselling or been to see or speak to your Gp, sending love Jude xx

Hi Jasmine - Jude is right…

When we grieve is human nature to ask questions and wonder the what ifs. The thing to remember is for your mum you would’ve done whatever you thought best with the information you had at the time.

Be kind to yourself
Ryan

Hello Jude28 Thank you. I did go to my gp I was put on antidepressants, but have come off them now as didn’t feel any different. I just need to try and accept that I can’t change the past. Hope that you are OK too x

Thanks Ryan82. Your right. I am just taking each day at a time. Its just hard sometimes not to dwell on the past.
Hope you are OK too x

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Hi Jasmine, I’m fine, it just takes time, hindsight is a wonderful thing, but unfortunately we are not blessed with it, take care and ask for help if you need it, Jude xxx

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