After 5 months ( 20 weeks tomorrow) I cannot grasp how the time has passed. Today I bought myself a single red rose for Valentines Day as a remembrance of the red roses he would have bought me. I’m not sure if it was a bit sad buying my own valentine but I put it on the shelf with his picture . I have done some things. I joined a Widows’ Group. I always hated group things before but I sat down and thought do I want to be open minded or lead a very lonely life. I don’t have any family and so many=y of my friends have their own problems, illness or family. I have been three times to the group and can’t believe I have agreed to go with 17 of us to a pancake tea party on Shrove Tuesday. I didn’t know anyone in the group before and I am quite shy socially but I enjoyed it. But it’s weird because if someone tells me I am doing well I feel guilty. I worry that I may be blocking out the grief. I cried for 3 months and still do at times and am prone to sudden anxiety or panic attacks. Sometimes I wake up at night and call out to him thinking he is sleeping in the other bedroom. Did anyone else go through the dementia pathway? It’s still so hard to escape the images of the distressing behaviours and mental anguish that my husband suffered and replace them with the wonderful memories of how he was for the 40 years of our life before he got ill.
Hi Dido
It’s good to hear you enjoyed the group and please do report back after your pancake day tea party!
I’m sorry to read that you’re struggling with anxiety and wondered if you’d had any counselling, or had considered it? We have a free bereavement counselling service for Online Community members, which takes place 1-2-1 via video - you can find out more here https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling
Take care
Nancy
Thank you Nancy. Yes I do have counselling and also a lovely GP so these have been a lifeline. I will bear in mind the on line service if I need it in future. Thank you.
Dido
I too went through my partner’s decline into dementia. It is all consuming and my world became very small due to it.
It has been six weeks since he died and I still, like you, call out to him when I wake and hear a noise. I think he is confused and trying to make his way around the house. Then the realisation hits and I weep.
I bought roses and put them by his photograph on Valentine’s day simply because I loved him and always will.
A dear friend told me she still has a life to live but a very different life, not the one she and her husband planned and I too will feel the same. She is right.
People ask me how I am and initially I would say fine. Not true!
They may not want to be burdened with the truth but I merely tell them I am as well as can be expected.
The only thing that now annoys me is someone sympathising over the sad loss of my partner. I feel like shouting that I didn’t lose him, he died! If I had lost him I would be searching for him! Perhaps a little oversensitive.
Praying the memories of the last distressing years will fade, the good memories override them and that hopefully the same may happen with you.
Our partners, husband’s or wives I’m certain would never have wanted us not enjoy some precious moments of laughter.
That way madness lies!
Hugs to you.