My mum and dad died in horrendous circumstances in December. Court proceedings coming up soon so can’t go into details but my thoughts haunt me. Mornings and before I go to bed are the worst times. I have pics in my mind of how they died, their last moments and I feel guilty and powerless for not realising there was danger and that I could’ve prevented this from happening. I need to accept that they’re gone and there was nothing I could do to save them but I still blame myself. I feel guilty for the grief of family members and try to be understanding but I feel I don’t even have my pain fully acknowledged by them. Funeral was awful. Being treated like a pariah in front of my grieving son is a new low by some, disgusting! I never wanted anything to happen to my mum or dad, I’m in a unique position that nobody would actually want to be I’m yet I am judged and criticised anyway. If I could turn back time and change how things played out I would.
Dear @Nik1
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your parents. Thank you for coming on here and reaching out and I understand why you cannot talk about the circumstances.
Have you thought about going to your GP for support and being referred to Counselling to talk to someone outside of your family. This may be of help to you to discuss your emotions.
On our website here there is bereavement information and support pages which may be of help to you.
Please continue to reach out and take care of yourself.
Pepsi
I’m so sorry for your loss. It must have been beyond difficult. Just know that you can get through this and moving on isnt easy, take your time to grieve there’s no rush 
Remind yourself everyday that you are strong. You can get through this and believe in yourself x
its in the time of our need that people show their true colours.
Whether they kick you when you are down or whether they pick you up.
I too had a terrible experience when I lost my son.My whole family turned my grieving into the biggest staged drama I had ever seen from my own flesh and blood.
I get upset every time I think of it.
You know that you did nothing wrong.So hold your head up and don’t let anyone bring you down.Its hard enough that you have lost the most important people in your life without others judging you.
I know I was feeling the same way about my son.And have gone over the details over and over again as to what I could have done, and didn’t do.It kills me every time when it comes in my mind.
Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be changed.
You know what you feel and how much you love them.