I don’t understand why we have to be ok when someone dies.
Why do we need to get back to normal?
Someone you spent your life with, someone you shared yourself with, someone who meant so much to you.
And suddenly they’re gone. Gone forever leaving a void that can never be filled.
You see them in places you once used to laugh together, at places you made memories.
You would give up anything just to see their face one last time, but you are supposed to be ok.
Who even made this rule?
Who decided that you should bear it knowing it’s the most unbearable thing in this cruel world?
Who decided this is normal?
11 Likes
Hi @Alone1,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
1 Like
Good morning Alone 1
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife to cancer 2 months ago after a 12 month battle where we really believed she would come through. She didn’t and I am now alone.
I am not ok and it’s ok not to be ok and people who expect you to be ok after a week a month a year , 10 years , really live in a parallel universe and until they experience this grief they will never understand
I am with you in what you say and in reality this is our new normal which none of us want and certainly don’t like and we would all give up what we have to be with our soulmates and loved one . You are in the right forum here where this community has experienced the truma and grief of losing someone very special . People who offer advice on coping who have not had this horrendous experience have no idea what they are talking about. If you haven’t lived it you can’t talk about it that is why this community is a great support.
So we have had a life with our loved one. Now we have to face a life without and I am still grappling with that and will do forever but to function I need to work with this tremendous burden and in all honesty it is brutal but what choice do we have.
We are here for you
Big hugs
2 Likes
@Alone1 . I’ve asked myself the same questions many times. I don’t think we ever do go back to normal as it were and the pain never fully goes away. I do believe, however, that we live around grief and pain.
Please don’t let anyone pressure you into returning to normal or hiding how you feel.
Sending hugs.
2 Likes
I totally agree with you. My husband died 21 months ago and my life will never be normal again. I exist, I don’t live and it makes me angry and sad that people think I should be “over it by now”.
I see my sons, daughters in law and grandchildren and I go out occasionally with friends but it doesn’t matter who I’m with, I’m still lonely and miss my husband as much now as I did when he passed away. Not a day goes by without me thinking about him. The only difference now is that although I still cry, it’s not as much as it was. My heart will forever be broken 
5 Likes
To Shaz10
Very sorry to read about your loss. You have ended your measage so succinctly that we will be forever broken hearted which is the heavy feeling I carry with me every day but building around the grief is a good way of putting it. Thank you
1 Like
Too sad. Why is life like this so unfair. I know we should be grateful of what we have but the loss is so hard to manage. If only we had more time and can go back just to give another hug. Keep going i guess . Sending you all much love and strength xxx
2 Likes
I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. Sometimes I think it’s all ok then I look at her photo and remember all the good times, the ordinary stuff you do together after 35 years and I wonder how I get through 35 days.
I’m told I’m still grieving for her after 2 years and i lost her really in 2017 after being diagnosed with vascular dementia. So it’s a long time.
I miss the normality of the relationship, its ease, its easy love. Many things now are a challenge I don’t want. I find it hard to trust again., A new relationship finds me questioning things all the time. Life is more random now and I cant relax
Life is becoming a foreign country
1 Like