My husband passed away suddenly in May ,the day after his 54 birthday…he suffered a cardic arrest on a family nightout at the theatre for him and just died on the floor.
They air ambulance worked on him for 45 mins…but he was gone very quickly…
It was a traumatic night and the flash backs and guilt of why did I not see he was not well before this happened get more intense and the chest pain too.
It had been such a busy time for him prepairing for a new show, us moving back to UK , moving into a new apartment on the Friday…his birthday on the Saturday and then him passing away on the Sunday…we were both shattered…he just said he was tired, but I was just so busy organising life…I did not see what was going on with him, if I had taken the time to listen, he might still be here.
I just finding it difficult to deal with the grief, guilt and trying to build a life again…
Where do you start, 7 months on and I am going round in circles…the crying is everyday…the pain is no easier and now the first Christmas and everybody is just getting on with life and happy. However, your stuck in this grief, that nobody understands, unless they live it…
Appreciate any help or advice…
Hi,
Im sorry i dont have any words if wisdom other than to say you are not alone. My husband collapsed when we were out for a walk in Aug and I never got him back. I feel that constant guilt that i didnt see how ill he was and all the points at which i could have realised and prevented it. The day haunts me. I know he would not want me to feel that but I do.
I dont know how we all get through this but we’re still here and I hear Martin’s frequent quote “while i breathe i hope”. Life right now is just existing, but I hope there is a point to all of this which one day I’ll see.
All i can say is lean on whoever you can and accept any love offered, even if you feel you don’t deserve it, because the person who offers it thinks you do xx
Hi,
I thank you for your message and I am also deeply sorry for your loss too…
Going out as a couple and then going home alone is the worst feeling…never to say good bye.
I think even when we get some answers we still feel the guilt of “what if…” As you said, we are still here…for what or why I am trying to workout.
Stay strong and thank you again.xx
@Hayden68
Sorry to be so late in replying. I still don’t fully understand this forum!
I can relate to what you say too but don’t really have any advice. I try to use the love I have for my husband to inspire me to do things which would make him proud. I’m sure he’d also often say ‘What the heck do you think you’re doing!’ too. 
I wish I had urged my husband to go straight to the Dr two weeks before his fatal coronary embolus. He said he had a bit of pain in his chest after playing football two weeks earlier. I commented that that was worrying and if it happened again he should get it checked. Why, oh why did I not send him straight there?
In between he was still doing everything else without any symptoms - lifting heavy objects, using a heavy chainsaw, walking up hills.
Karen I feel the same as you my husband died of Sepsis which they missed. Why didn`t I make him go into hospital earlier etc all those guilt feelings come roaring back. I just hear him saying “stop it!” which helps.
I have just moved his ashes to the car as I am taking him to our new home. It was a bit emotional as he never wanted to leave here.
@Heather56
You have to live where is right for you though and taking him with you, both his ashes and him in your heart, is the best you can do for both of you.
Hugs xxx
It is difficult to know what to do. My husband died 5 mos ago and I could hardly stand to be in the house. He is everywhere. So many people think that should help to be where our retirement memories are. Well, I guess I am an anomaly. Having said that things have gotten somewhat better. He loved the house and the yard. At times I just want to run away, but I know my pain and agony will tag along. I guess part of it is that so many people just don’t understand. I feel like they are tired of hearing my sadness. So I have resorted to saying I am “ok” when asked. I am far from being “ok”. But no one wants to hear about my emotional struggles anymore. Thank goodness for this site.
Peace and love, Karen
Agreed @Karetired
At least here we can say as many times and as honestly as we need to that we are NOT ok.
Sending you love. xxx