Loneliness

After losing my husband of fifty years how can I cope with the pain and great loneliness. He died in May this year. Avery sudden traumatic death. He went out into the garden to clean the car and dropped dead. There had to be a post-mortem but no cause of death was found. I feel raw inside.

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I’m really sorry about the death of your husband, it must have been such a shock for you and your family, I can fully understand the loneliness, it’s bad enough in ordinary times, but what we are going through is anything but ordinary, I think the evenings and weekends are worse, everybody else are doing things as a family and it just seems to make being on your own worse, I wish I could say that it gets better in time, I suppose you get more used to it and find things to fill in the days, my dogs have been a great comfort to me, in fact I don’t know how I would have coped without them, I hope you have family and friends close by to help, sending love xx

Hi Derfandy
Very sorry for the loss of your husband so suddenly too.
My father passed in a similar fashion. Cardiac arrest from an arhythmia most likely.
I understand your struggle to get answers and then to have no answer. Its a big loss - too big to not know why. And so out of your hands.
You are at a very early point. Coping may even be elusive at this point. My family just tried to get through each minute, hour, and day. Suddenly 6 months pass, then 8, then 12 and somehow you get through.
Warmly,
Ell

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Hi,
I’m with you. It has been six months since by husband died unexpectedly. We had been married forty-six years, although many people point out that I am still married to him. We’d had our ups and downs, of course, but we were good friends and enjoyed being together. There was a post-mortem which was initially inconclusive and samples were kept for further investigation. I find the pain and loneliness very hard. This is a largish house and my husband hoarded paper. I’ve accomplished quite a lot but I do feel very isolated. Our son is the other side of the Atlantic with his wife and children. He has a demanding job and I don’t want to be crying on the phone or, worse, on Zoom or FaceTime. People say that I sound strong but sad and that’s probably the case. It’s coffee time now. I make proper coffee just as I did when my husband was alive. Keep in touch.

Hi Janmezzo,
Your husband would be so proud of you. Sudden loss is unbelievably difficult to process. It is so final. We are dealing with it in our family too. Your son is also grieving immensely.
I wish the answers on this thread could fill what you truly need - which is your husband back in your life. Since we can not get back on that path, we must side step to a new one. That is impossible to do at 6 months time, but slowly, you will get there. Try new things. Meet your friends when they ask - force yourself, even if you can only muster it for 1 hour. I would go out with friends, and then have to call it for myself when I felt my mind losing its focus on them. Sometimes that is an hour, sometimes more, sometimes less.
Keep getting up everyday, eat, stay hydrated, and do something. That will fill your mind, and ease the pain. Eventually, you will find that you have side stepped.
Have a peaceful evening.

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