Hello Broken 2222. Please forgive me if I seem to be preaching a little, but at nearly 60 you do have a future, and you seem to have a caring family. I lost my partner to cancer two months ago. She was 76. Being six years older than her, I had always assumed that my end would come before hers. I was wrong. As regards family, I have only one son, who lives too far away to call on me frequently. Now I am immersed in a deep sense of loss and despair and at my age I don’t see much chance of rebuilding my life to any great degree. So, given your 60 years, I wish you well in what I hope will turn out to be a long future of happiness for you.
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Hi thank you for your reply . I was with my hubby from us both being 16 . So I don’t know any other life . I have never felt old always had a young outlook on life . But since Chris has died I just feel very old . I know it’s only ten months and so still early days . Or that’s what I get told . But I really can’t see a future without him . I do have son and daughter . And grandkids . And they are brilliant . But I can’t shake the feeling of dread and unhappiness looking at a future I might have . I don’t want to be a burden on my family . I do try each day to be positive but it normally end up with me in tears . Away from family so I don’t upset them . I know they miss there dad / granda so much . So don’t need to upset them any more . But thank you for your positive thinking it does help me . And I hope you find a way to cope with your loss. And find peace . I suppose that’s all we can ask for . Sending love and strength to help us all through these sad days x take carex
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Hi Broken2222
It is also 10 months since my Husband died. He was my second Husband - I had known him for 9 years and we had only been married for 2.5 years. I feel very much like you. I cry most days. Same as you I don’t want to be a burden to my Daughters. I cannot believe how unfair life can be. As I said previously my strategy is to take each day as it comes and not to think too far into the future
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Hi thank you for your reply and so sorry for your loss . Yes it so hard every minute of every day . I also just think of getting through each day .i know chris would be disappointed in me the way I am . He was always positive and life is for living . But it is so hard and lonely without him here . He was my life . And still is even though just in my thoughts and heart . We both thought we would grow old together . But evil cancer took him from me . Sending love and strength to help us get through these sad days . Xtake carex
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Hi I can understand the loneliness. Even going shopping for food it is a Trial just want to get in and get out again. I lost my husband 10 half month ago. It’s been very hard 47 years together I think unless you been through it nobody really understand it.
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Hi Trace10,
I’m the same when shopping. I hate shopping for one. I will never get used to it. My husband died coming up to six months ago and we were together fifty years.
Take care.x
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Hi . Yes the loneliness . It’s soul destroying . My heart is already shattered into pieces . And my brain a total mess . I don’t live alone . But I am still totaly lonely for the one person that made my life perfect . Chris was all I knew . All I ever wanted . And all we wanted was to grow old together . Now I will grow old on my own . Xtake carex
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Hi Michael,
Really know where you’re coming from. When you’re inside you want to go out and when you’re out you want to go home. I too struggled when walking around, all I saw were couples or families and thinking why did I not cherish those times more! What I found helped was to go walking for the day, packed lunch etc and choose somewhere less busy, coastal paths are good if you’re not too far away. I’d walk for a few hours just me and my thoughts and it really helped and I felt more relaxed and more able to cope.
It’s a hard journey, it’s 20 months since my second husband died, widowed twice, first time at 54 but it seems harder this time, working helped the first time I think.
I don’t think it’s anything you get over, you just have to try and adapt to. You do get fed up of saying you’re OK though when really you’re not at all OK.
Good luck Michael.
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I lost my husband in May and I cannot bear going to where there are couples together holding hands. I have the feeling of terrible unfairness that they have what I have lost
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Your post so resonates with me. I lost my husband at 54 and my partner 9 months ago and it does feel harder this time around. I try and keep busy and have found a daily walk helps me to x
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Maz1948, Carol3 & Shirleymc - Absolutely everything you all say resonates with me. I do a long daily walk. When I am out I want to come home - I come home and the loneliness hits me. And couples holding hands seems so poignant and so unfair
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Maz1948, Shirleyme, Kimmielou. Reading your comments is so true. I visit my 96 year old mother in a care home and I know it won’t be long before I face another bereavement. Even with family I still feel desolate. People say they are there for you but I am not one to approach them but I feel that people think that once the funeral is over life goes back to normal. We know that’s not true, grieving only starts after the funeral
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It helps that we all feel the same and for all four of us that it is the second time that we have been widowed. And yes it is definitely harder this time. I guess that we all feel that life is really unfair
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So true - about life being unfair. I really feel it when friends/relatives moan on about their husbands that they’ve been married to for over 50 years, they don’t know how lucky they are. Also there is really nothing for us out there to help us along, meetings, clubs etc. I don’t want to play bingo or whatever I want to try and have a life, but it’s very difficult to find something where you really feel you fit in, thinking of booking a hol to Kefalonia by myself (first time) - keep finding excuses not to book, but feel if I don’t do it now I never will!
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That would be REALLY brave. I have just been to visit a friend for a few days - I was really proud of myself negotiating the London Underground. But after a couple of days I felt really homesick. I came home yesterday - was glad to be home but then the loneliness started and I cried all night feeling sorry for myself
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You did really well negotiating the underground, never been good at that. Yes you do feel the loneliness once you get home but after a few days I hope you look back and think that the break did you good and next time it may not be so bad. I’m going out now just so I’m not in all day alone. Bit of shopping, maybe lunch out & fill car up with fuel (eek - the expense). Trying to just do something for me that makes me feel life may be worthwhile. Enjoy your day & good to have someone who understands. Xx
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Hello Maz
I gain the impression you have suffered considerable emotional upheaval in your life. Yet, in referring to your walks, you strike me as having taken positive steps to deal with adversity when it has arisen, and it seems to have worked for you. Personally, whilst I enjoy walking, I am not too keen on my own company, so I tend to find myself just taking short walks in the local park. In a way that can make matters worse, for, like you, I am conscious, of other people enjoying themselves around me, a lone figure. I lost my partner of some twenty years last May. While I am perhaps coping better now than two months ago, I am not finding life easy, loneliness and the absence of her companionship being challenges I don’t always feel equal to. I do hope you continue to find your walking a help in coming to terms with your loss.
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