Loneliness

My husband passed away in December and I feel bereft without him. I have a wonderful family but feel so lonely even when in a crowd. I accept all invitations as I feel that friends will stop asking me if I refuse their kind gestures.

I’m so sorry to hear that your husband passed away in December, Angron45. I completely understand that you feel bereft and lonely. Loneliness is often talked about in this community, so you’re not going through this alone here. There’s an active conversation at the moment that might be worth a read through for some support: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-partner/sad-lonely-and-frightened

Take care of yourself and let me know if there’s anything we can do to support you.
Eleanor

Thanks for your reply. I have followed the link you gave me and it seems all my feelings are normal, even talking to him all the time. I feel he is still with me. I am taking thingsacday at a time and making some plans for the future but it all seems so futile at present. I know he would want me to carry on with the things we had planned and I will try to do those things. I am lucky to have a very supportive family but always feel alone even with them

Hi there Angron. I think we will always feel alone, even if we have a hundred people with us. We have to accept our situation because the loneliness is inside us, not on the outside. If your like me you are learning to have two faces. Outside seems normal, I laugh, chat but inside is in pieces. It’s good to carry on with planned things, there is something to focus on. We have allotments, each of us having our own. He drew up his plans for this years planting and even ordered his seeds, which arrived after he had died. I am keeping both plots going and it’s a huge area but all through the winter I have been building boxes, designing area’s, laying paths etc. It has given me a reason to get out and do things and I will do my best to make him proud. As I work I ask him if this is how he wanted it. I’m sure he would groan at the crooked paths and the wood I have put down that is slightly off centre. I tell him if he doesn’t like it he can come and do it himself. I’m doing my best. I have put a chair by his pond and he can come and sit on it. I know I’m being watched by other plot holders, will I be able to cope, well I’ll give it a damn good go. Good luck to you.

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You are quite right about the two faces. Someone said to me last week how brave I am. If only they knew how I feel inside. I am carrying on with travelling which we loved to do. I am trying to go to places we haven’t been. The places we went to would just hurt too much at the moment. Yo sound like me, you will soldier on to make our husbands proud of us. One day we may find that we begin to enjoy things again. That will be a happy surprise if that happens.

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Hi Angron 45,
Like you I have lost my life’s partner, we were married 51yrs and 17days when he was killed in road accident last September, just five months ago.
It’s very difficult not showing grief, I always say it’s only just below the surface.
I understand the loneliness, our son & his family live some way away.
Most of our friends are spread all around the country. We have no local friends who are single… So most things I do have to be on my own.
We used to travel, mainly cruises, but the single supplement is putting a stop to
that… I did try a coach holiday last December, but found I was just as lonely.
Most of the other passengers were couples, who didn’t want a stranger hanging on.
Life has become quite difficult. Even shopping for one…
I wish you luck with your travels.

I’m so lonely,
It was 12 months last week since I lost my husband of 34 yrs.
I too feel that things have got worse since Christmas, it does feel worse than ever.
I have very little family, a sister and brother who both live 46 miles away and I only see my sister once every couple of months if that, my brother I haven’t seen or spoken to since the day if the funeral.
I have 3 sons but they don’t come home either, they’re too busy with their own lives.
I suffer badly with agoraphobia and anxiety which means I’m housebound.
I do have friends.
Life is very lonely and empty without my husband and I often feel as if I don’t know where to turn.

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