I’ve just joined this forum and have found it very comforting over the last 6 months since my husband died. All the posts I read certainly reflect my thoughts and feelings. Knowing there are hundreds of other people experiencing this most dreadful loss we have all had. I decided to join the forum and make contact with people for direct advice on how to move forward and cope with this new life and all its challenges it throws at us. LucyR
If you’ve been reading the forum you’ll have a pretty good idea of how things work and you’ve probably done lots of thinking and maybe have things to share. There’s lots that unites us but also quite significant differences between contributors, and their unique experiences. Quite a lot of content is about thoughts and experiences, and occasional direct advice.
For me, the key to moving forward is a realisation that you want to, or maybe need to, and an ability to work out what is holding you back. Added to that is the necessary determination or will, and a realisation that it demands constant effort and application. Unfortunately that’s just words, a mission statement, and we all struggle to translate that into effective action. My way has been to push myself, or challenge myself, to do those things I identified as being difficult. It’s part of a learning process and it’s clear we need to learn new things and new ways of being. Hopefully we move from just coping to a different way of being, one where we feel to be in control.
Personally I’m always glad to see new people join us and I hope you can give us lots to think about and maybe some fresh ideas. Welcome.
Thank you for your welcoming message, it’s a comfort to know that there are many, many people experiencing this range of emotions that this path of bereavement gives us. I’m given lots of advice from well meaning people to join clubs and make new friends. I have every intention of doing so but find I lack motivation and the easy option is to do nothing. It took much courage to join this group yesterday, I have just been reading all the posts over the last 6 months and they have definitely helped me. As I grow more confident about writing down my thoughts I hope I’ll become a regular contributor to this worthwhile group of friends.
Thank you for your message, I appreciate it very much. I joined the group yesterday, having been reading all the posts over the past six months since losing Roy. I realise that I have moved on a little as previously the thought of posting onto the site was very daunting. I do know of the U3a and have seen one or two groups I might be interested in but it’s taking that first step to meet complete strangers for the first time. It seems very silly at my age but I do think the physical and emotional shock that bereavement gives undermines our confidence, or does mine.
I, like you don’t speak of my loss very much and probably people that meet me think I’m doing well. I think we learn to cover up what we’re feeling inside. That’s why reading all the thoughts of people on this forum are so good for people like me.
Hi there im so sorry for your loss it’s six months and five days since I lost my soulmate of seventeen years I cant go on we did everything together from shopping and gardening to walks holidays it’s all gone I just want my partner back in my arms I hope and pray that it won’t be long before im there take care x
I’m sorry for your loss too, things are difficult aren’t they. seventeen years sharing everything with someone is a long time.
You must have been very happy together and have some wonderful memories. Thinking of you.
Hi thankyou for your kind words we were very happy together yes we did everything together my soulmate of seventeen years passed away three months before the 40th birthday im utterly truamatised im 39 next month I want it all to be over we shared everything were a very self sufficient couple few friends met in our early twenties had hopes and dreams of growing old together everything is gone I cant go on don’t see the point we were eachothers world I just want to hug my soulmate again not go to bed alone or wake up alone hear footsteps on the stairs the toilet flush kettle boil anything can’t describe the pain I just pray my times soon taken so tragically im destroyed mentally and physically take care as much as possible x
How are you today ? I’ve had a really quiet day and not wanted to do much. I seem to have motivation on some days and others I can’t be bothered to do anything. I used to read a great deal but find it very difficult to concentrate now. Hope you’re ok
Hi Lucy. You are not alone in finding it hard to concentrate, I think I can safely say that many of us are having that same problem. Not being bothered is also natural. I wake up and don’t think that some days I would want to get up, which certainly isn’t in character for me but I have two dogs that insist that they take me out for a walk. I walk for around two hours and this always makes me feel so much better and able to cope with the rest of the day. I purposely keep busy and if I have a panic about doing something in particular I make myself do it. Hard punishment it might be but it makes me feel good afterwards, I have done it.
I go to a group meeting of bereaved people and the leader told me to move on steadily, it was not wise to rush out and start joining clubs/volunteering etc and I can see her point because while we grieve no amount of activity is going to take away our pain and loneliness. I am going to let life come to me and what will be will be. I’m not the best of company at the moment anyway. I do have hobbies and interests already and just do them at the moment. I keep busy and don’t feel that I come back to an empty house as I have my dogs to welcome me in their robust way, that is if they aren’t already out with me. They have become my comfort blankets. It’s not an easy journey we are on but I do feel that determination between the tears will get us through. Good luck Pat xxx
Hi Lucy thanks for your message im sorry to hear you feel the same as me no motivation at all spent the last two days in bed with severe panic attacks and overall disbelief of what has happened not in a very good place I hope today is kinder to you take care speak soon x