lonely after loosing parent

So this is my first post, so hi! i honestly don’t know what i am doing. I lost my mum a year last week but still feel like i am re living the whole situation over and over. it was a quick 10 weeks turnaround from diagnosis to her passing so never really had much time to get my head around. I feel like i am just existing not living, my whole life i have been so lucky to have such a great mum and the loss of her has made me feel so lonely. i am 22 and feel like my life has stopped but it also feels like a bigger loss die to non of my friends/family have lost a parent at this age and lucky to have their parents so i cannot relate to them.

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Hi Rhianx
Im so sorry to hear the loss of your mum, you must be devastated and feel so numb, with it happening so quickly.
Having all these emotions and dealing with grief.
My mum had terminal cancer and found out it has spread, we dont know how long but i feel im griefing now, its hard to get out of bed in the morning and try to function.
I have found this site helps so carry on here, im sending you all my love :heartbeat: anytime you want to chat xx

Hi Rhian,
I am so sorry for your loss. My mum passed last Dec and was lived for five weeks after being told she would pass that night so I can understand how you feel.
It is difficult for your friends to imagine the pain you are going through and that makes it hard for you. One day they will though and will have such a wonderful friend in you.
I know the feeling of just existing because that’s what I am doing.Its 9 MTHS for me but I am still crying at the slightest thing and feel miserable every day.Just sad all the time. Doubt that will change for a long time.Ibguess we are all different and for us it’s harder to get through grief.
Keep posting on here because everyone on here understands how you are feeling
Look after your own wellbeing now ok and remember I am here for you
Deborah x

i feel like im always on edge, it was her birthday last week and it has brought back all the memories and nightmares that came with it. I am managing about 3 hours sleep and wake up with the image of her lying there. My dad has moved on which happened a month after she passed so in our house its like she never was here. Everyone needs their mum. im trying my best to make every moment count like she did till the very last day caring about enjoying life with family but since she has gone i feel like im just a spare part in everyones elses world.

Thankyou so much, im crying writing this now. I feel that now i don’t have my mum i have no purpose or someone pushing you or giving the motivation to go on.
I honestly feel for you, i wish o could say as the months go on it gets better but i don’t think it can be anytime soon Sending big hugs Deborah xx

Honestly i feel nothing and everything at once. I feel for you knowing that you’re waiting for it, It was better for her it being so fast but horrible for us but your situation is worse for you . I am so so sorry that you are feeling this and likewise im always here to talk xxx

Hi Rhianx,
I was the same as you in the weeks after mum passed I don’t know how looking back I got through it all as I hardly slept at all and even slept in the spare bedroom for months not to disturb my husband. I was awake all through the night every night and just dropped off to sleep when I was sheer exhausted.
It is sheer hell to go through but just want you to know you can post anytime I will check on you
Deborah x

I honestly don’t know what to so, i feel like im not living. i just want to be able to have a mum hug and i feel like i am doing everything wrong. When something goes relatively well, i feel like i whouldnt be happy because my mum isnt but then when im sad i feel like im not allowed because thats not how she would be.
I just want to bury my head and wish the days away, i feel so alone.

So sorry to hear your suffering. We’re all in this together. I lost my mum in May and have been so lonely without her beautiful smile and warmth. I miss her endlessly. Just try to remember that she is free of pain and in spirit now and will be watching over you, I believe, and wanting the best for you in life. xxx

Hi Rhianx,
Keep going lovely.It gets very tough and nothing seems to help. You are not alone bec we all feel the same.Its just awful going through this grief. We all just want our mum’s back and then we will be ok but deep down we know we can’t and just have to get through this somehow.Keep posting on here ok and people will help you.
Deborah x

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i just wish i could be around people physically that understand i feel like i am in a bubble. My dr that saved me after mum died has just retired and i feel like its another person leaving me . She knew me since i was born and my mum. I trusted her and its another loss that i cannot deal with

Hi Rhianx,
It’s tough going being on your own. It would be great if we could all have a central place to meet but this is the next best thing i guess. I agree that your doctor leaving is another loss to you. It will be very hard and will take time to build up a bond with a new doctor but you will.
Just remember to keep posting as this site is a godsend. I lost my mum last Dec so very close to you and your mum. I feel lost and sad and have all the same feelings of grief that i had a year ago.
Do you have a job and family?
Deborahx

I honestly feel like you do, everyone says the pain gets easier but i think its just getting worse as each day is another that we live without our mummas.
My doctor saved me from not being here anymore and i will forever thank her for that but also i hate that i have to death with this still.
I trying to keep going to work, i have my dad and older brother but my dad moved on a month after her death and my brother lives away.
I just hope our mums are happy wherever they are, sending big hugs xxx

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Hiya Rhianx

It’s always difficult to comprehend when other people move on and you don’t. You need to put yourself first now ok and look after your own wellbeing.Rest chill have something to get through your evenings and try to get stronger each day and week.
My mum passed last Dec and it hasn’t got easier.The gut wrenching crying has eased but no way has anything else. I have no interest in anything anymore.Wish it could be different but it’s not.I am trying so hard to carry on because I know mum would want me to but I am finding it very difficult.
Don’t plan for the future .Just plan each day or evening after you finish work Think of a few things to do each evening and stick to them. I have just started reading a book as haven’t managed to read for almost a year due to having no concentration and generally can’t be bothered.I used to read for hours and days at a time until I finished the book.
I have started reading for 15 min a night then that’s it. I am hoping to build up to an hour by a few weeks time I don’t want to put pressure on myself to do anything.
There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief and it’s all the unknown. I am myself learning how to cope with each day. Dreading Christmas and New year as mum passed on Dec 30th. I don’t know how I will get through it. Feel very tearful at the moment just even thinking about it.
But get through it we have to somehow.
My mum always said everything passes and it’s true. I just want to be super organised so I don’t have to go Xmas shopping for anything I will do of everything online.
It will be my first Xmas without mum and it’s heartbreaking
Aww apologies for going on and on
Keep in touch
Deborah x

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Dear Deborah,

My heart goes out to you.

My first Christmas without my Mum, this year.I talk to Mum all the time and carry on some of the routines she had.
Trying to increase my concentration levels.
Taken up knitting, visiting the library.
Bought a few easy reading novels.

Take Care,
Lupa

Hi Lupa,
I talk to mum also .I sit near her photo and tell her all sorts.It helps me. Christmas coming up is so hard and I just dread it.Hearing people getting ready for Christmas is heartbreaking.Mym used to love Christmas and went overboard in making it just perfect for us. I am going to buy a few things on line and not venture to shops at all.
What date did your mum pass? My mum passed on the 30th Apologies I still can’t write the word died.
I too have started reading but it’s very hit and miss. I start then stop for days.
Do you have any family?
Big hugs
Deborah x

Hi Deborah,

I know what you are going through.
I spent a lot of time going on the internet to find tips. There is a group GriefWorks Julia Samuel and free sessions. One on the 16th Oct @18.00 please register.
Look at YouTube Dominique Sachse I’m grieving but I’m back.
Take care and chat soon.

my mum loved christmas too! it was her favourite time of the year and loved giving presents and proper family time! her friends organised to have christmas early when she got diagnosed so it was going to be on 7th of august but she died on the 1st. Last Christmas my family didn’t do anything, no cards up no tree or presents. I have tried to keep myself busy with learning to crochet which she tried to teach me to try feel close to her. Even thinking about christmas is making me cry so i honestly know how you guys feel xxx