Lonely and scared

It’s been seven weeks since my husband passed away unexpectedly , the realisation has finally hit me, Mark is not coming back!!
I’ve done all the bargaining with God, please let him come back, I will do anything, anything you ask, if you just let him come back.
I’ve investigated quantum physics , but it’s not advanced enough for me to time travel and save my darling husband. And now it’s hit me, there’s nothing I can do, I’m alone now, and the pain is unbearable, I am scared, lonely, and so tired, I want to go to sleep and not wake up, like Mark did, but I am now the only one to care for my beautiful daughter and son, who still live at home, and are grieving the loss of their wonderful Dad, so no, I have to try to stay strong.

6 Likes

5 months from my wife past
Had gone all threw that pleading with god for miracles just to even hold her for one day
One day at a time is easy said
You realise their not coming back
Every time I go out and head home I have a sinking feeling in my stomach knowing she’s not their
Not the first time I’ve had grief but this one is much harder loved her as a 17 year old till she died at 62
God help us all lost love of my life best friend and sole mate
Yes you go on she wanted me too and work it out
look after my family
it’s so hard
We’re not alone
Till we meet again only hope left
Be strong for yourself they would want that for us
We all go threw the same pain
Have one not bad day would be a start and see what next day has

4 Likes

So sorry for your loss, I feel your pain.
We have to carry on for our families, but the ache inside doesn’t go away, it gnaws at me constantly as does the yearning to have Mark back here with us. Every day is a battle to cope. When you have loved someone so long, it’s so hard to carry on without them, one day at a time, but every day to me is just a day of crying and wishing, so far it doesn’t feel any easier, I gave up work to spend time with him, so I don’t go anywhere most days, I know I will have to find a job soon, but at the moment, it is incomprehensible, the brain fog is too much.
I send you my love and condolences xx

2 Likes

I feel exactly like you. It is nearly 7 weeks since I unexpectedly lost my husband. We had just left our house, he collapsed and died within minutes ,he was never ill. Myself and my 29 year old son held him while he took his last breath. I ache all the time . We both took early retirement just over a year ago , as we loved to travel and do things together, now it is all gone. I have had to cancel so many things we had booked for this year, it is heartbreaking. I have.2 lovely sons and lovely friends and family, but there is a big emptiness. We had been together over 40 years. I miss him so much and am so sad on what he is also missing out on, I thought we had years left and feel badly for my sons, who were close to their dad. I am so sorry for you also, seems like we are in a very similar situation.

6 Likes

Yes, our story is very familiar, we had planned to go travelling too, that’s why I retired.
We had just come back from a Christmas holiday, we had been to Sierra Nevada, Malaga, Seville and Portugal all in ten days! But he had, what we thought was a chest infection, he went to the hospital in Fuengirola and they agreed it was a chest infection, and gave him antibiotics .it was obviously worse than we all thought.
My son and daughter who still live at home, were so close to him, he always made them laugh, he looked after us all so well, now I am the one who should look after them, but I’m a wreck and feel too weak to be much help.
It seems unfair doesn’t it, that our partners didn’t get the chance to spend more time doing things they liked, Mark worked very hard, and really deserved to enjoy himself more.
I send you and your family my love and condolences xx

3 Likes

Its been 3 months since I lost my beloved husband to cancer, and I have asked the very same questions.
I would give anything to have him back. I miss him everyday and struggling without him. Everyday I keep asking myself why did this happen, h had just turned 50 in june and we had so many more years ahead of us.
Now everyday is a struggle without him and I’m not living just existing day to day, just waiting for the day I can be with him.

6 Likes

It does seem so unfair. My 60th birhday was Christmas day. He bought me 60 presents bless him. We were about go to Goa as always went long haul January. I am so sad . I miss him so much. My sympathies to your family also xxxxx

1 Like

Its so sad, your husband died too young, just like that our plans and our lives change so drastically, it is hard to comprehend, and its frightening. Like you, I thought Mark had many years left, I kept praying that it was a bad dream, and I would wake up and it would all be okay, but the realisation has hit me now, and its an awful thought that I will never see him or hold him again in this life.
I send you my love xx

3 Likes

Thank you.
It seems like your husband, too was a lovely man, like Mark, a man who loved his family.
I hope things get easier for you all xx

1 Like

Sending love to you also Poppet. Am so sorry, It is like living in a bad dream. Thinking of you xxx

1 Like

Thank you Flints my husband was called Mark also. He was a family man, he always felt guilty that he missed the kids growing up as he was always away when he was in the army, he thought he had another chance with our 3 year old grandson.
I thought we had time together just the two of us once he retired 2 years ago. I always worried when he would be away months on end “would he come back safe”.
I never thought that I would lose him to cancer especially at 50. We dreamed of going to America in a few years time.
Now its all gone in the space of 4 weeks.He didn’t even get a chance with chemo because they found it too late as the Urology Department kept sending him home and doing nothing.

2 Likes

Thank you cloudsky, being on here with others that are going through the same thing is a comfort xxx

1 Like

Poppet my husband worked away also. He was away for weeks on end working on oil rigs. He felt guilty too that he missed so much time with our children, but we made the most of it when he was home. We had just over a year of our early retirement and had so many plans with the family, for once not being tied to the offshore rotation, but then this happened. Life is very cruel. I do understand how you are feeling, so much x

Hi Flints
I tried from the beginning to tell myself the reality was my wife was not coming back.
When i get home, from work or shopping, i have to remind myself before i walk through the door that she will not be there, otherwise the disappointment is crushing.
I get it, it is scary to be on your own without the support you have had for years. I absolutely hate it, sitting in my home, on my own.
I don’t really know what to do about the chasm in my life currently, other than let the tears come freely, and hope in time i am more able to deal with the enormous loss.

2 Likes

I am so sorry for your loss, your husband was too young, I feel for you, all , because when I sleep, I don’t have to worry about everythingof the plans you had for the future, have gone, it’s heartbreaking, and hard to understand why our lovely partners have been taken from us.
I am trying to get through each day, but everything reminds me of what we have lost, the plans, the laughter, the cuddles, the long discussions we had, now I just wait for bedtime, because when I am asleep, I don’t have to worry about everything that needs doing.
I send my love to you xx

2 Likes

Sorry, the message got a bit muddled up, using my phone, so I hope you can make sense of it, somehow the sleep bit became misplaced xx

Sorry poppet my message got a bit muddled up, the sleep bit somehow got in the wrong sentence, I am using my phone and it’s a bit difficult to see what I have written, I hope you can understand it xx

Thank you Flints, yes I understood your message ok, after reading my husband’s texts and letters all these years im used to it. To be honest yours was ok. My husband was dyslexic so I had to read all his important letters before he signed them.

1 Like

It is so awful to find yourself without the person you love so much, I agree it is a huge chasm, Mark was our everything, he made us laugh, protected us, and was always here for us.
It is scary, I don’t have any neighbours for miles, when I am alone I am terrified, I never imagined Mark leaving so suddenly, we never planned in advance for something like this happening, so for now I have to be brave and just get on with it.
I send you my love and hope things do get easier for you soon xx

I am the same as yourself it’s been 6 weeks since my darling husband passed I miss him so much I’ve begged god to have him back I’m so alone even with 2 daughters and 2 grandchildren it’s ok people saying it will get better but I can’t see it ever happening once the door closes I’m on my own then 4 days ago my only brother passed I don’t know how much more I can take of this I hope that we both can find a little comfort that we are not alone with being able to message others who are all the same I know my children say dad wouldn’t want me to cry all the time but he was life my sole mate my best friend my everything x

1 Like