Lonely, lost & crying

Hi everyone
I’m sitting here in the dark crying
I have a son who I cannot talk to in case I upset him it’s like walking on egg shells with no friends to talk to, feeling sorry for myself swearing at my husband for leaving me after 47years
I want to run away but there’s nowhere to run I need a tardis or time machine to take me back to when he was here
I’m so so lonely day in day out no one to speak to no one to share the little things with
I just don’t want to carry on like this, I so wish he was here so lost without him
I sometimes wish I had made a few close friends but we had each other no need for anyone else then
Everyone on this platform is going through the same feelings just slightly different versions, I’m defeated motivation at an all time low, what next?

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Sorry to hear you feel you have to hide your feelings from your son. Are you trying to stay strong incase you anticipate you will upset him ie protecting him like mums often do to their detriment? Sounds like something my mum would have done :heart:

Don’t mean to sound bitter but it doesn’t often work out that close friends will be there for you after a bereavement but hopefully you have at least one friend or family you can rely on.
Have you spoke to your dr or that about some counselling? How long since you lost your husband? Sorry if you’ve said but I don’t seem to be able to comprehend much these days.

Someone will always be here to listen x

Suzanne x

Hi Suzanne
My son and I just don’t seem to be able to communicate about anything he’s so angry I can’t do anything right
My husband passed away 11 months ago
I haven’t spoken to my gp or councillor because they don’t know me maybe I should give it a go
Thanks for your reply Jackie

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Hi Jackie,

It may be more beneficial to you if your drs don’t know you as can be objective but still sympathetic.

Your son’s anger may him regretting something, the feel of unfairness at his/your loss. I believe it’s common after losing someone to push people away to try protect yourself so hopefully you and your son’s relationship is temporary.

I sincerely hope you and your son find a way forward to grieve and remember together

Suzanne x

Dear JDB

So sorry to read your post. I can relate to some of what you experience.

I have an adult son and daughter. Son lives local, daughter down South. I can’t talk to either about my real feelings and therefore just spend time alone sobbing and screaming at my husband. I am approaching our 40th wedding anniversary. If he had only listened to me and gave up his motorbike he would probably still be with me, but instead he listened to others who now go on with their lives enjoying family life while mine is crushed and destroyed. I frequently told him that if anything were to happen to him then not only would he be breaking my heart but he would be leaving me to deal with the consequences and the magnitude of the ripple effect since his accident is overwhelming and the tears, sobbing and screaming so painful.

In between the dark clouds I often think of disappearing and just finding a dark corner to sit and wait for my time to come.

I can count on one hand those that I can rely on for support but they have their own lives. My friend’s daughter has just had a baby so I am avoiding calling as this is a time of celebration and I won’t dampen this event for her. So instead I just try to survive the day.

I do have grandchildren myself and they are wonderful, but they are young and will probably only remember me as the sad Nan, who only has sadness in her eyes. I wish this was not the case but my heart is broken.

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