Sadly l lost my dear wife of 55 years marriage a few months ago, she was only 15 years old when our eyes met, we were engaged when she was 16 and I was 18. We married just before she was 18 and what a life we had, two beautiful daughters, but here is my really sad problem, because we were so in love we didn’t need anyone else, we also worked together all our lives and shared common interests. We had a few friends but not really close because we had each other, everyone said we were joined at the hip. She had this wonderful smile which she shared with everyone and people loved her for it, people said how lucky I was. Her passing was sudden and had no reason for it, fourteen hours from being ill she was gone, my god how do I cope, my daughters have been marvellous but I cannot keep them from their families. As for doing things around the house I have been a quick learner but cooking I just cannot cope, have tried and made myself ill. But I don’t care because I feel this is my punishment because she is feeling lonely somewhere as I am.
Hi Colmar, I’m really sorry to hear about your wife, you must be devastated, 55years is such a long time, you must miss her dreadfully, as must your children, I know that when my Mum died I was really worried about my Dad and I know he tried to pretend that he was ok so not to worry me, so don’t think you are putting on your children, it would worry them more if you don’t, as for meals M&S do very good ready prepared meals that you just need to pop in the microwave or the oven, no cooking required, other supermarkets do the same sort of thing, so don’t worry about having to cook if you don’t want too, sending love Jude xx
Colmar, so sorry to hear about the passing your lovely wife it is not easy
Are there no lunch clubs near you? I know where I live there are a few where you can get a nice meal and it also gives you the opportunity to meet with others who are on their own. Usually it’s a full afternoon with dominoes, cards or a sing song which passes the time. As Jude28 said there’s a lot to be said for a ready meal you can order them online from Wiltshire farm foods or even ring them up and get a catalogue of what they do. My Mum used to get them and they were really good and easy to heat up. Get one of your daughter’s to check it out for you
Thank you for your advice, I think my problem is that I still expect her to appear, one minute she was here then the next she was gone, I wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital with her, so she died alone, this is where it hurts.
As for food I know I am not doing this right, ready meals are the answer, but at times I just can’t be bothered, I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself.
I don’t think I am ready to try these clubs, etc yet. Many people have stayed away from me as I think they don’t know what to say, which I can understand, so staying indoors makes me feel secure from the embarrassing looks.
I understand, when I first lost my Husband my home was my sanctuary and I was actually relived when lockdown came as I didn’t have to go out and face the world and it was actually quite healing not having to put up with the endless stream of family and friends thinking they were helping I guess people don’t know what to do for the best.
I have to agree with you, I grieve by myself and as others have said evenings and through the night are the worse.
I too don’t understand: just because you had the greatest love people can have it becomes the worse possible curse for you. You thought you don’t need anything else other than your loved ones then in the blink of an eye they’re gone; essentially you lost everything. And life has no meaning anymore. This is a crazy world.
You have summed it up completely
Colmar your story is so beautiful I’m so so sorry for your loss and very similar to my own . When you find the absolute love of your life you don’t need anyone else . I gave up with so called friends a while back I felt I couldn’t talk about him and it’s all you want to do , it’s like they try to act like he never existed. I too find comfort being at home where we shared such wonderful moments together .
My partner was also sudden one minute everything was wonderful and your so happy every day the next it’s all just gone in a second it’s more than horrendous there are no words for it .
I’m glad someone suggested about the m&s meals they are the best option for you at this time easy and you don’t have to think about it .
You take care of yourself hugs to you colmar xx
Many thanks for your kind words Janeets it is a great help. M & S have closed both their stores which are near to me so I had a look around the local supermarket but came out with nothing, a problem I have is I am allergic to tomatoes and purée and I cannot believe how it is used in most meals. My dear wife had this sorted and was so hands on, I just wish I had learnt from her but no I didn’t because nothing was going to happen to her.
I know what you mean colmar they seem to put tomatoes in all those meals your right. M& s do deliver I usually get their fish pieces or chicken just shuve it in the oven I used to cook loads with my partner but have no interest in that now . Or going to shops so I get it delivered.
I know what you mean we don’t think about them not being here it’s the last thing you think about when your happy and living your life .
Take care x
Thank you xx
I’m so sorry for your losing your life partner after so many idyllic years together. You don’t need to be punished re cooking, it’s not your fault and as mentioned you can eat reasonably well from M&S or even order some of the meal boxes that you can find on line.
At the moment you will feel that life has no meaning for you. Thankfully your daughters will be there for you and will want to include you in their life. They will be grieving in a different way from you. Think what your wife would want for you. She would want you to try and find a path for yourself. There are lots of clubs you could join when you feel ready. It’s little steps. My husband collapsed and died at work he was 57 and I was 54. That was 18 years ago. After the Initial shock and few months I moved to an apartment and for 7 years I was so miserable so eventually moved down southbound be near my three kids. So I started a new life, I was still young and never thought this would happen to me. I have managed and have many grandchildren and different friends but not a day goes by when I don’t think of my hubby, I miss him so much and he has missed out on all the fun parts of life. Love is the price we pay for a broken heart. Take it day by day. Don’t chastise yourself. The secret is to keep occupied and have structure in your week. Weekends are a nightmare and public holidays, so try and forward plan if you can. I wish you well and this forum is great for letting off steam. We all understand and care. Jan
Thank you for your very kind thoughts and hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. Probate, solicitors and the banks have been a real nightmare so these have kept me busy during the day, I’m so glad my wife is not having to deal with this because I don’t think she would of coped. I have noted your comments and I hope one day things will be easier for me but at the moment everywhere I look around the house she is there, I looked into her wardrobe and all her clothes have special memories and I cannot bear to part with them.
There are no rules regarding possessions and clothes. You will know when you are ready. Havevyou thought of making a memory box to place some things that are so meaningful to you. Yes I had to deal with probate and finances and moving a few times. All a nightmare. Maybe when all the paperwork is over and you feel mentally stronger you could begin to write your life story. I don’t know if you have grandchildren, but it would be so interesting for them to learn about the grandma they haven’t seen. For my grandchildren, Grandpa David is a starr in the sky who often eats chocolate ice cream. There are so many volunteering jobs you could do. Again in the future. At the moment grief is so all consuming but I think I’m trying to say that your life isn’t over and you can help others whilst helping yourself. Take your time there aren’t any rules. Take care. Jan
Many thanks for your thoughts and there is so much I can do when I’m ready to take that big step forward.
Colmar your story is very close to mine - my husband died without any warning at all - he went to bed an hour before I did and when I went he had died - this was on the 13/04/21 at 9.20 pm - it was coronary heart disease. We met at 17 got engaged at 18 and married at 21 -and after almost 52 years of living and loving one another I am alone. I look back and we had a wonderful life and we were so happy he looked after me and I looked after him . Like you and your wife we worked together and never needed anyone but one another. We had three beautiful daughters and four grandchildren so I have a great family and they really care for me and I try and care for them. I am adjusting to my life everyday and I recently had a heart attack - only a minor one - but I had to spend time in hospital and I hated it because I was away from him and my memories - he still surrounds me when I am at home. I have no advice for you except try and keep busy and be positive - it’s an uphill battle but talking on here might help - you can pour your feelings out and we all understand - I my emotions have settled down a little bit -I don’t cry as much as I did but I still feel that I can’t look forward to anything because we did everything together. Keep going and be brave -this is what your wife would have wanted you to do and you can still love her she is so much a part of you that she lives on in you…Sandbay
Your life is so much like mine, when I woke up this morning I reach out for her but sadly she wasn’t there, now it is getting lighter I get up early because I can’t bear laying there with the emptiness. Like you have said I do keep myself busy with all the jobs she did as well as my own. We used to love going out for a drive and visiting many places but now I find I cannot do this because I am so lonely without her. Must stop here because I cannot see through the tears.