Long Haulers

I would love to hear how people, who have been widowed for more than 3 or 4 years are coping, and what we newly widowed might expect. Is there any relief from the pain that far down the road?

3 Likes

Hi Barb, I was widowed coming up to 10 years ago, I still miss my husband but I am getting on with my life, I’ve been on several holidays with other widows who happen to be friends as well, and really enjoyed them, but some situations I still find difficult, like weddings, parties etc, you do learn to live with being on your own and life is different but it’s still good, take care Jude xx

4 Likes

Thank you for sharing this and again I realise that I am not alone being alone. I get up and wonder what I should do and realise that whatever it is I’ll have to do it alone. My husband was the part of me that made me want to live. I did everything for him even though I didn’t realise it. Now he’s gone what is the purpose of living. I’m sitting in the waiting room just waiting. Alone.

7 Likes

Oh my gosh Sheila! Your words hit home. I had expected that life will be as you described it, and coincidentally I am an avid knitter for kids charities. If I didn’t have my knitting to pass the longer hours I would go insane. It amazes me, as I read these posts, how similar all our lives are now that we’ve been inducted into this unwanted “club”. Finding this website was inspirational for me. I suppose the expression “Misery loves company “ is true. Thanks for sharing your life as it is now. At least I know what to expect. I wish you peace. :heart:
Barb11

3 Likes

I hear you sister. Let’s keep going. I’m going to also pull up my big girl pants and forge on. I wanted to die, but that’s not what my Lenny would want me to do. I’m luckier than a lot of folks here since I’m 75, so I’m nearing the end of my journey. I feel awful for the younger people who have to start new lives. I hope and pray that they find happiness again.
:heart: Barb11

2 Likes

‘My husband was the part of me that made me want to live.’ That sums it up for me! The things I wanted to do, I only wanted to do with that special person - him.

5 Likes

Me too. There’s no more joy in my life. That’s the most difficult thing to come to terms with.

3 Likes

It is so hard to come to terms with, I knew I was lucky, I didn’t take it for granted yet it was taken away from me in the blink of an eye with no warning.

3 Likes

I was actually going to start a new thread today entitled’Going backwards’ because this past two weeks it is exactly how I have felt.
After 3 yrs I was learning to cope again , able to get up in the mornings, and am actually seeing someone new. Then it hit me again like a tornado. I have been crying every day, reliving my life with my beloved Ron and just wanting to curl up in a ball and die. I have not been well for a few weeks and can’t see my GP so that has not helped my situation but I just feel as though these horrible dark clouds and waves of grief will never leave me. The loneliness is overwhelming although my new partner is loving and understanding. He just isn’t my husband and I feel so guilty feeling like this. I have tried so hard to move forward. I think I have tried everything but now I am back in the same position as I was when my husband died. I honestly don’t know what the future will bring. I never realised the depth of grief and how it affects every single thing you do.
All I can say is that tomorrow I may feel strong again.
I just have no answers. Today it is 12 noon and I am still in bed. I just want to sleep. So sorry for feeling like this when you want positive answers. Hugs and my thoughts to everyone stuck in this awful tunnel with no end in sight.

7 Likes

hello @Angiejo2… i am so sorry to hear you feel you are going backwards. There are no answers but I think being connected to other people somewhat helps. Lots of love and a big hug to you. The meetup you arranged for us in the NW area really helped me xxx

Dear @Angiejo2
As you say, it effects every single thing. The triggers are many. Taking the bins out to kerbside on a Sunday makes me weep.
I had 2 fairy cakes left in a box (gift from pal) & thought, we can have them later with our tea. More tears. There is no later, my soulmate is gone. 7 months & still counting.
Every single thing.

3 Likes

Hi, I’m 7 months today and I can’t stand or sit or sleep. I’m not coping well. How have you managed 7 years? My family and friends have virtually deserted me as I’m not in a good place. I cry for no reason. Can’t keep a thought in my head. Start doing things and end up doing nothing. How do you keep going? :kiss:

1 Like

Hi Parsley. First of all, you’re not crying for no good reason. Your whole life has been turned upside down. You’ve lost half of who you are. 7 months into this unwanted journey is still so raw and new. The only advice I can offer is trying each day to get out and get some fresh air and exercise. You need to now cultivate any talents you have (I knit for kids charities). Find activities you can join - maybe volunteer work. I’m 10 months in so I’m still finding my way. Keeping active has been a huge help. At least for the time I am occupied with something I’m not crying. :heart: Barbara

Hi Barb, it’s 13 years since my husband died. I was fifty and had a 13 year old daughter. I am not in pain now and haven’t been for some years. I remember year 3 being bad for some reason, possibly because for two years there was paperwork and stuff to do with my daughter’s education to sort out and then it hit me again afterwards. Year four I remember my daughter wanted to go on a school trip for a week so I booked a week in Italy for myself rather than stay at home alone and I think things started to really pick up after that. The beauty of the lakes and mountains and the challenge of getting on a plane on my own seemed to shake me up and make me feel there’s still a life in this world for me.

After that when my daughter went to university I sometimes went on holiday with her and sometimes on my own. I’m going for five days to a UK destination next month with friends and I dont know how it will be I’m so used to doing whatever I want each day :grinning:

Other than traveling I was still working three of four days a week until this spring and that has kept me busy. Gardening, cooking, reading, I joined a book club. I guess it’s that old thing of time. You just need to start a new life on your own and eventually one day you realise it doesnt hurt anymore. I still feel my eyes fill with tears occasionally from a memory of my husband but I don’t get a wave of pain now. Sometimes I just smile at something he used to say or do. It gets better, it really does.

4 Likes

Wow. 13 years. I can’t think past one year right now. Your posting was inspiring and hopeful. I’m glad you’ve found peace. :heart:

1 Like