Long weekend

This weekend has felt so long. Bad day yesterday, 17 weeks since Chis passed. I spent a lot of the day wrapping Christmas presents and writing out some cards and it was so hard signing them just from me. Another two days coming up with nothing in my diary and I’m just feeling so lonely. I try to keep busy but everything I do seems so pointless, thought last week that it was starting to get easier but this last two days have sucked. I keep telling myself to get on with it, I know I can’t bring him back but it’s so very hard being alone, I’ve never lived on my own before and I really don’t want to think of the year ahead living like this

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I think it is the way this grief works. You feel a little better for a few days and then bang it hits again. Your week sounds very similar to mine. Except for the presents and cards. All we can do is take each day as it comes cry when we need to and laugh if we get the chance. 9 weeks for me since my husband passed, 10 days after his diagnosis. I tell him every day he’s left me in a sh**storm. Sending love. Xx

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You are so right go from being ok at times then as you say hits you like a sledgehammer, it’s 8 months for me try to make best of the ok times not knowing what’s coming next I’m very fortunate to have good family / friend support take care x

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@Rugby I’m also very lucky and have a great family and support from friends, I guess this weekend has been difficult because it’s one of the few where I haven’t seen anyone. I shouldn’t complain, they all have busy lives and I have had a couple of phone calls and several WhatsApp messages it’s just one of those times where I’m really struggling to accept that he’s gone. I shouldn’t complain, I sure others are in a much worse situation than me. It’s just great to have this site to be able to unburden myself without putting it on to my family and friends, they all think I’m coping really well and I don’t want them to know how hard it really is

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Its harder when you have no real family. Very easy to be lost

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@Juliebobs I’m sure it must be, I know I’m very fortunate to have the support network that I do but unfortunately it doesn’t stop the pain and innate loneliness the loss of a soulmate. We all have different needs and no one’s experience is the same as another’s, similarities certainly enable us to empathise with others but we can only be here to support each other on our different journeys.
For me, the ability to get out and meet with people, some people I have known for years others new people who didn’t know me before Chris passed is what keeps me going. I am gradually adjusting to being alone at home, I don’t like it and don’t know that I ever will but I know that there’s nothing I can do about it so I have to find things to keep me busy so I don’t dwell on it. My go to is reading, it’s one of the few things that I can completely lose myself in.

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It’s very true can feel lonely in a room full of people like yourself don’t show much to my family don’t want them worrying about me they have young families and need to live their lives :heart:

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I have no real family of my own as i couldn’t have children . I do have a brother and sister in law , otherwise i would be completely alone . Keep plodding on regardless x

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Isn’t it strange . Steve and I were both big readers but now i can only read at night. I think because itl is such a quiet thing. I listen to aufio books now. More noise x

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@Juliebobs my noise is the TV. It’s always on but half the time I couldn’t tell you what it is I’m supposed to be watching. Currently trying to sort out the storage under our bed, can’t believe the amount of dust I’ve found and so much junk. Having now got it all covering my bedroom floor I’m struggling to sort it out

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@Juliebobs isn’t it strange how it affects us differently.

I used to love to read but I can’t concentrate now. The most I can do is read the newspaper or do a crossword. Hopefully it will return.

And as for under the bed, I was looking for something there on Friday and found a pair of his sandals that dumped sand all over the floor. I was cross!

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