Longing

Hello Just need advice and to express how I’m feeling right now to be honest I’m feeling lost and cant stop thinking back to the last day I was with my husband the day he died I’m tormented by events of that day and I cant get the image of him out of my memory I want to see his happy face but all I see is the pain on his face sorry to be so blunt I cant remember good times all I can see is his how he struggled to carry on for so long.I miss his laugh and his jokes and long conversations.I would like to say that things have got better over time but everything has got worse its eight months since he died I’m signed off work again and don’t know if Ill ever go back .Before he died I was only working part time and was feeling stressed and I feel I dont need that pressure at the moment. Does anyone else feel embarressed about their grief I’m avoiding going into town where I work in case I see someone from where I work I think that is because my workplace have not been very supportive since my husbands death and have asked to contact my GP I know this is routine but I could do without this right now. I have not got many friends as I have always kept myself to myself if you know what I mean but I feel those friends I do have are expecting me to be over it now !!! I don’t know who to turn to for advice I have a son and a daughter but they have their own lives .I see a counsellor but only every six weeks . I just want to hear my husband say It’s ok

Hi. Eight months is still very early days when we have lost our soul mates. I lost Mark nearly 7 months ago so I understand how you feel. We miss them so much and feel so very lonely and unfortunately people who haven’t been through the same thing don’t understand what we are going through. As well as our loves, we have lost so much else in our lives, including our plans for the future. Like you, I feel embarrassed to cry in front of others and I feel that I don’t want to make people uncomfortable or burden them with my grief. I also regularly go over the time he died and feel so sad that he was so ill and yet faced it with such courage. There’s nothing anyone can say to take the pain away but I find counselling helps because I can talk freely and cry. I think we have to take it a day at a time and no one can hurry us, it is very raw for us still. I hope that in time we will have happier memories to carry with us. And on this site everyone understands what you are going through x

I am so sorry for your loss. We find ourselves here in a life we did not choose and without any control of the waterfall of emotions that we feel on a daily basis. My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I go over everything too trying to comprehend what has happened. Your feelings are normal. Your grief is overwhelming and you need to focus on you before things like work can make sense. I am hoping to start counselling soon as I realise from this forum that it can help. Don’t worry about tears. I got over being embarrassed a while back and when they come they come. It’s an indication of how deeply we loved and how our lovely partners will always be with us. Take care and keep talking. X

Oh Babt10n, why on earth would you be embarrassed about grieving for your husband. I would be troubled if you did not grieve for him. You loved him, he loved you and the worst thing that could happen has happened. Nearly four years on and I still cry for my husband of 47 years. Why would I not cry when he was my whole life, he was the one person that made my life worth living.

Never, ever be afraid to show your emotions you have lost the man you loved. Forget the people who expect you to move on, because one of these days it will happen to them then they will know what real unhappiness is.

Take every day as it comes. You are like me, Peter and I only needed each other and our family, we were not ones for going to pubs, we liked going out for a meal and to a show, we were enough for one another. When we were invited to any parties such as anniversaries or 21st parties we went and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, we loved to dance, but at the end of the evening we loved to go home.

I was lucky, I had retired and I honestly do not know how I would have felt having to go back to work after losing my husband having to face everyone and making small talk.
There will be people on this site who have gone back to work after losing their partner so perhaps they can give you some advice on how to get through it, I hope they will reach out to you.

I am so sorry, but like I have said, please, never, ever feel embarrassed about grieving and crying for someone you have lost, it just shows how much you loved them.

Sheila