My partner passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 9 months ago. I first met him when I was 17 and always thought he was the bee’s knees. We didn’t get together until 10 years ago, after my divorce.
He taught me so much — what real love and respect feel like, what it means to feel truly supported, and that I should never be ashamed of my hearing disability.
I also lost my younger brother 6 years ago in a tragic accident, and both of my parents have passed away too. In total, I have lost 4 people very close to me.
Lately, I’m beginning to feel like I’m stuck in a rut — going to work and then coming home, repeating the same routine.Has anyone else ever felt like they needed to go on a journey — perhaps volunteering abroad or doing something different — to try and find themselves again?
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Hi,
I know exactly what you mean. In May 2025, I lost my partner of 21 years. We had been together since high school, so it was always “us.” We basically grew into adulthood together. Now that he’s gone, I’m still trying to find myself what I like, who I am without him. I still keep some of our routines, but a lot has changed. I have our two dogs, and they keep me company. I love spending time with them, and they make me feel safe. My friends have tried to get me out a few times, and I agreed. It was nice, but it didn’t really feel like me. I’ve realised I don’t enjoy going out in the evenings very much. I gave it a try, but I still prefer being at home with my dogs. Marek and I always enjoyed watching movies at the weekend and having a nice takeaway. I still watch the movies, but not the takeaway, I really don’t like eating alone. So my journey is still ongoing. I’m still trying to find myself, and I’m not sure if that will ever fully happen. Maybe this is who I am now at home with my dogs, finding my way one day at a time.
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How about a pen friend abroad?! Yes I definitely think doing something different is a good idea, pushing the boundaries. I have had 2 family losses & traveling & my garden help me. I live in France now , I don’t know many folk but I love it here.
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I feel for you and know what you mean. I lost my wife and soul mate of 43 years very unexpectedly and very suddenly 2 days after her birthday in August 2023. To be talking to someone one minute and them to drop to the floor like a light switch being turned off is traumatic and living hell. Since then all I have been doing is something different, volunteering, changing hobbies, even as simple as donating blood, doing things we never did together. I think it helps us to hide or forget for a time that we are now alone on different journey whether we want it or not. They say grief is just love thats in pain, the more we love the more we are in pain. Maybe, like seeds for a new life, we need to grow or find a new love? Its too late for me in my late 60s but i don’t believe isolating oneself from life is a way to help the pain. Go out and soak up life as much as you can, your loved one will always be with you.
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Did you move to France after the loss of your life partner ?
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my friend and neighbour lost her husband 10+ years ago and eventually moved to northern France where they regularly holiday together. She now speaks fluent French, has found new love with a person of similar circumstances and remarried. Thats a special result for me. 
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No I moved here after the loss of my brother & best friend
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Thank you for your comments.
I hope you find happiness , and I don’t believe you are too old to find it
I have been contemplating going abroad to do some volunteering. I just feel I need a change of direction where my life is
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Hi Meadow, it’s very strange that everything we have been up to the death of our partners becomes irrelevant. Things we enjoyed have lost their appeal and plans made for our future hold no interest on our own. In some ways I feel like a teenager with no view of what the future looks like yet with none of the illusion that came with being a teenager.
I have spent forty years with my love and there seems to be little left without her. Just a shell of a man that now has to learn everything again and decided how and where to live.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hello Tom, the way you describe how you are feeling is so like how I am feeling as well, ..nothing has any meaning, im not excited about going anywhere, nothing has that appeal that i only shared with my husband, ..I ask God, what now Lord?? What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? I suppose it doesn’t matter since my husband won’t be in it.
take care Tom, and may God bless you 
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From my perspective, it takes a long time, maybe years to re-identify yourself. When you’re partnered up so long, what you eat, what you do, what you think, what you talk about is all based on your partner’s and your life together. I never knew till recently that I hate black olives. He loved them. It’s a small example, but multiply this by 100 other things and you get the idea.
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Yes, it’s sad that all our hopes and dreams seemed to die the day we lost our life partners.
I was in the middle of doing my bookkeeping course, but I’ve completely lost interest in continuing it.
I can understand why some people disappear into the wilderness or want to escape from everything for a while. When your whole world changes overnight, it can feel like the life you knew disappeared too
Wishing everyone happiness in their journeys
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Hi Lucy, you are fight. I met my lovely wife at eighteen. I was hardly an adult, we grew together as one I don’t have any interests of my own we did everything together so you learn to like the same things. We spent every moment of our forty years together if we were separated for some very rare reason we would be phoning eachother as if we needed to be in contact to survive.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hello, I met my husband when we were nineteen, we were the same age same month too, but I’d tease him that he was older than me, now im gonna be older without him. We got married at 22, in March was our 35th wedding anniversary, no celebration he was already in the hospital 
and like you, we were never apart, just 2 weeks when I went to Texas to see my new granddaughter, couldn’t wait to get home. I do feel blessed to have been married to my best friend, I’ll love him forever. Take care
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Hello Tom, you did marry quite young, but when you know that’s the right one for you. 
age doesn’t matter, you just want to be together. You were blessed Tom to have shared a great love 
with your wife. Treasure those memories. Take care have a good night and may God bless you
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Hi Lucy, I left my country and my job to follow my wife. I asked her to marry me after my nineteenth birthday. I was certainly blessed to have seen her that day in London.
Wishing you a peaceful evening
All the best
Tom
Hello, you said you moved to Spain? Do you speak Spanish? Just curious 
, and yes you were most certainly blessed that day
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Yes I speak Spanish Lucy, do you speak Spanish? You are very close to the border I believe.
Wishing you a good night’s sleep
Hasta mañana
Tom
