Looking too much into things

Hey all really sorry if this is off topic or offends anyone but somethings has been on my mind repeatedly this week probably as my brain processes grief.

My amazing mum died very suddenly on 14 March in bed whilst she slept. We’re waiting on the outcome of the coroner’s investigation. To the best of our knowledge she had no illnesses or at least hadn’t said to anyone she felt ill…

What’s puzzling me is I keep remembering two things that stand out when she was alive. I’d say one of her favourite songs of all times was Paint it Black by The Rolling stones- and that’s a song about sudden death. But bizarrely I always remember my mum found the song funny - she found it hilarious that mick in his grief was demanding everything becomes black.

The other thing was a scene from Scary Movie 3 where two characters are discussing someone who “woke up dead”. My mum had a slightly strange sense of humour but I vividly recall she found this hilarious too. Very disproportionate I thought to how funny the scene actually is. And I know she watched that several times over the years on YouTube.

Can’t figure out if my brain is deceiving me because I want to believe my amazing mum had a slight premonition of what would happen and believe that she wasn’t frightened of it at all.

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Its not weird I think you are right Ryan. I sure our loved ones sometimes do know they are about to die.
The day before Doug died, he had a fantastic day, but he did keep telling me how much he loved me, to the point of being slightly annoying. Looking back now I think he knew he was about to die. I believe it was a peaceful end for him because he knew the family would all pull together and we would look after each other.
Take comfort in your thoughts, your mind is not decieving you.
Sending love Debbie X X


It’s so hard to know @Debbie57 - these were things from years ago. I just find it hard to accept or believe that people don’t have an inkling in some way. But maybe that is the case. Thanks for your reply.

Ryan x


Hi Ryan, I don’t know whether people have a premonition about death for certain, but I think in some cases they definitely do.
I’m sure your mum wasn’t frightened of it, as I’m sure my husband wasn’t frightened of it either. He just didn’t want to leave me (as your mum definitely wouldn’t want to leave you) but he had no fear.
It’s so hard for those of us left behind but I’m sure your mind isn’t deceiving you. I hope you can take comfort from that.
Janey x

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@Ryan82 , I’ve also had lost loved ones joke about their passing in life almost flippantly and it’s become a reality, I think it’s so personal to people how they feel about life and death

Someone close to me used to say *I’ll be dead by the time I’m 30 and 4 months after his 30th birthday he died accidentally- although others have said similar and it hasn’t happened

Sudden death is always so difficult to process for those left behind, although lots of people in life say it’s the best way to go away from all the long term suffering.

I have lost two loved ones suddenly before their time and for those left behind it’s like an endless purgatory of ifs buts and maybes a longing for a chance at a proper goodbye and maybe some happy memories to share -

In all honesty I guess if anyone had a positive outlook on passing then that is unique and personal to them if it’s something that helps them process it all

It’s always those left behind that wrestle with it all



Thanks @Cas2 and @JaneyS for the replies. My Mam never directly mentioned her death ever. It was just these two things that stand out as they were related to sudden deaath and she found them funny.

I remember growing up my Dad would mention his death and making sure my mum was okay (life insurance etc) but she never did. As she was a bit of a control freak I find it odd in someways.

Sorry for your losses. Sudden death is hard to process. Just feels very strange that someone can be here one minute and gone the next with no warning that it’s about to happen. I know it’s a real dumb thing to say but it’s so not like my mum. I remember how I felt when I got the news. Although I was in shock I was also very angry with her which was very wrong and I don’t feel like that anymore.

Thanks for listening and replying.

Ryan x