Loosing a mum

Hello all,

Earlier this year I lost my mother who was aged 52. She suffered from a ruptured aneurism while at work and I never had the chance to say goodbye. This was completely unexpected and came entirely out of the blue, I only found out later on the day she passed after the police contacted me to inform me they had found her deceased at work.

I have attempted to move on, gone on various once in a lifetime holidays to move on and clear my head, but it has not worked.

I ended up arranging everything after my mothers death, from working with the police to choosing the flowers on the day of the funeral. The rest of my family were too shook up to help and left it to me. I was fine with this at the time, but I worry I never took the time to actually stop and think about what I was going through.

I’d be grateful for your thoughts or advice on any attempt to get back to a new normal. Also, would be great to hear how people have coped with first big events after a death of a parent as a young person (I’m 22). I’m soon to buy a house with my partner, I’m approaching both mine and my
Mums birthdays in the coming weeks alongside other events such as Christmas etc.

Cheers all!


Hello Ewan,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Hello Ewan,
So sorry to hear about your Mum. It is a lot to deal with emotionally. I lost my mum one year ago this weekend & it feels like yesterday. She was taken into hospital & within a week & half, she passed away.
You have to take each day as it comes, go with each feeling/emotion & let them flow throught you.
Regarding anniversaries. It is hard, but i honoured my mum in the way she would of liked. By her interests, lite a candle.
We are here to support you & each other.
Take care of yourself.

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Aww Ewan I am so sorry for your loss. Everything you are feeling and going through is exactly how I felt and still do. I arranged everything also for my mum so I know how you feel.
You are do young and my heart goes out to you. Your mum would be do proud of the way you have managed everything .
Buying a house with your partner is a new challenge and so exciting.My son is looking at buying a house so I know what a huge thing this is and he is in his 20’s also.
The firsts are the worst. You just have to go with the flow and somehow get through them.I have made a memory table for my mum with her photo flowers and a candle on it It helps so much.Or you could do an area in the garden to remember her.
You could even go abroad for Xmas. I am thinking of doing that this year.
This site will help you so much as everyone understands
Deborah x

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 7weeks ago, it is still so raw. I cant imagine my life without her ‘Betty’. I don’t know how to move forward but hopefully this group will help us all. You re so young to have to go through this, if I can support you in any way please shout x

Sorry to hear your loss. We are all on such a difficult journey. I lost my mum in May and it’s been so difficult. But I am treading onwards day by day, trying to get through and it gets a little easier. I’m sure she is around you and guiding you on. Take care. Hugs. xxx

Was your mum called “Betty”? My mum’s middle name was Elizabeth, but everyone called her ‘Bet’. Sorry to hear your loss too. I’m 4 months in now and it is still so tough, but a little easier. Hugs to you. xx

Yes mum was Elizabeth but liked to be called Betty, she was such a beautiful kind and caring lady. I miss her so much. It also saddens me to read of so many people who have lost a loved one, I am sorry for your loss. I didn’t realise how much grief would affect me, it is deep, it is hard, and life will never be the same again.

Exactly. Yes my mum was Mary Elizabeth but everyone called her Betty. It is so very hard carrying on without them. We can only try our best. They would want the very best for us. Big hugs. xxx

Hello all,

Thank you for your words and thoughts. It’s greatly appreciated.

It’s odd to say, but most days are fine and you just get on with life whilst remembering loved ones.

And since the funeral back in February and when we had the headstone put onto the family plot in May I haven’t felt an overwhelming sense of grief or sadness.

With my 23rd birthday coming up in a few days I am beginning to dread the thought of of it all and feeling much sadder about it all now. Friends and family have arranged a whole weekend of surprises, meals and events but I am starting to worry about how to deal with any great sense of loss and emotion I’ll realistically feel during these events. It would be lovely and helpful to hear how people have prepared and reacted during times like this. I don’t want to appear negative and ungrateful for what everyone has done, but I can’t help but feel they’re all trying to avoid the elephant in the room by overcompensating and making a big thing out of my birthday.

Cheers all