Loosing mum still hurts

My mum died from kidney failure in Oct 2020

It was kinda a long time coming and we were told she was dying every year for about 5-6yrs so it kinda became a little joke

Anyway mum finally passed in Oct 2020 after her choice of choosing to stop dialysis and omg I respect her so much for that

I was her oldest daughter and as a nurse the one who did and saw everything for years

Even though I’m glad she made her choice - we always told her when it was time it was her choice which as I said that takes some balls really

Anyways at first I dealt with it all as she would of wanted and arranged all the shit stuff as older daughter has to do

But recently i’m slowly falling apart and it’s so hard coz I’m the strong one and all I wanna do I just curl up in bed and ignore it all

As a RMN I know there’s stages of grief but I’m still in denial coz my mum was my world.
I’m just slowly falling apart and literally noone is noticing and I’m a little scared if I’m honest :raised_hands:

I remember good times about mum which I enjoy but when it turns into sadness and I cry so much then get so angry :roll_eyes:

I seem to be ‘fine’ for several weeks but then boom it hits and I get so so upset and feel stuck

Just needed to vent alittle - so thank you :rainbow::sparkling_heart::purple_heart:

Dear Lynsw, I’m so sorry for loss of your Mum, what a strong lady she must have been to make that decision, but hard for you accept, just because you are a nurse doesn’t mean you don’t go through all things everybody else does, I know because I was a nurse myself, I think it’s part of our training to hold it all together, but we’re human and it hits us just the same as everybody else, you are quite right about all the stages of grief, but that doesn’t make it any easier to get through it, be kind to yourself, sending love Jude xx

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Thank you Jude28 :sparkling_heart:
Trying to be kind to myself it’s just so so hard

Hi Lynsw
I wonder how you are
I lost my Mom March 2020 and im still suffering panic and anxiety
My Mom was diagnosed in the October 2019 and was so strong to the end
I managed to be brave in front of her but was having awful panic attacks
when she died i thought i would die to from shock
ive been feeling so ill although it has got slowly better
it sounds like you may be having delayed reactions from the stress
from what ive read it takes time to accept it and learn to adjust your life
I hope you are feeling a little better :cherry_blossom: