My mum died from kidney failure in Oct 2020
It was kinda a long time coming and we were told she was dying every year for about 5-6yrs so it kinda became a little joke
Anyway mum finally passed in Oct 2020 after her choice of choosing to stop dialysis and omg I respect her so much for that
I was her oldest daughter and as a nurse the one who did and saw everything for years
Even though I’m glad she made her choice - we always told her when it was time it was her choice which as I said that takes some balls really
Anyways at first I dealt with it all as she would of wanted and arranged all the shit stuff as older daughter has to do
But recently i’m slowly falling apart and it’s so hard coz I’m the strong one and all I wanna do I just curl up in bed and ignore it all
As a RMN I know there’s stages of grief but I’m still in denial coz my mum was my world.
I’m just slowly falling apart and literally noone is noticing and I’m a little scared if I’m honest
I remember good times about mum which I enjoy but when it turns into sadness and I cry so much then get so angry
I seem to be ‘fine’ for several weeks but then boom it hits and I get so so upset and feel stuck
Just needed to vent alittle - so thank you