Just found this site this evening and hoping it will help me a little, i guess looking for someone who could maybe help, i lost my brother 37 in feb to sudden cardiac arresst which was a total shock to everyone. My brother had ADHD Autism and learning difficulties so even as adults has been a huge part of my life and identity, i feel so lost and helpless im trying my best to support my mum as she lives alone and is awaiting surgery to have her hips replaced whilst trying to grieve her first born! I also have 2 of my own children my youngest with additional needs, i feel like i havent been able to griev yet as im busy holding everyone else up and telling them they will be ok, i feel like i need a good cry and scream if that makes sense, 🩵
Hello @Adams89,
I can see you posted a little while ago, so I just wanted to reply and say how sorry I am about your brother.
The sudden death of someone close to you can often leave you with intense feelings to cope with as you grieve. And you might also be coping with the trauma and shock of it, which can make it all the more difficult.
Many of our members have experienced a sudden death and will understand some of what you’re going through. You can read some recent conversations about this by clicking this link. You might find some comfort and support in knowing you are not alone.
You may also find our info page on coping with sudden deaths helpful to read. Our coping with the loss of sibling page might help too.
Please be gentle with yourself - you matter and deserve care and support too.
Seaneen
Hi Adam, I am new to the group and I saw your story right away. I lost my brother in the same way. I think you and I naturally fall into the care giving role of caring for your mum and children but not really having time to process your own grief. I did this and in some ways being busy and caring for others was a help but I then experienced delayed grief. Its such a cliche but so true, take things day by day and reach out when you need to. In my experience, its hard for others to understand loss, unless they have gone through it. If I can help you in any way I will.
Hi
My poor brother passed away suddenly 4 months ago. I was the same. Caring for my parents and children was a way for me to cope too. But, tbh, its all just hit me today. Im taking the medication, and have just started couselling. Im doing everything they tell me, exercise, diet, talking, but today i woke up paralysed with sadness. Its what has led me here.
I hope you are all ok, or at least on your way to being ok.
Thank you for sharing your story to! Its a hard one and i guess its just nice to hear from people who understand and im also very sorry for your loss to, im here if you need to talk also 
My sister has now passed away last week also, very complex situation and once again automatically I have fallen into caring for my parents, planning the funeral, clearing out her house, supporting my childrdn and not processing my own grief…Its so hard. The biggest thing I find is my anger at how insensitive others can be. Someone messaged me to ask if there was tea and scones after the funeral and if there was, they would attend!!! Like I am supposed to be grateful!!! Its insane!!! Sadly I feel if people have not experienced grief they are clueless to the pain. I am thinking of you both and sending you as much strength as I can from my heart down the line to both of you. One day at a time one step at a time we will get through this.