Loosing my husband and left with two children

My husband died at the age of 43 after being diangosed with bowel cnacer 18 months previously.
The initial diagniois was 4 years, but soon escalated. He had to have emergnecy bowel surgery, which resulted in a colostomy bag, which was an emense mental struggle for him. Initial treament went well, until the secon round of chemotherapy didn’t show any improvements. We led a fairly normal life was able to work from home and were very supportive on treatment days. Every fortnight he would need a day to recover and I would nurse him for that 24 hours. Until one day, he came home from a walk with a friend and the left side of his body collapsed, i thought it was a stroke. I had to call a friend to help me pick him up and get him to a&e as an ambulance was hours away. And then a&e expected me to leave him in the waiting room unattended, the result was a brain tumor. And this is where the diagnosis and him change. He underwent radiotherapy to no avail. The cancer was agressive and treatments non-responsive.
He contracted sepsis, this nearly killed him before the cancer. Hospitals refused treatment, but he fought and came home , again.
Easter we were given months as a timeline. The brain tumors affected him, his personality, the core of who he was. Unable to climb the stairs, a bedroom was made up downstairs. He was unable to settle, to sleep, to rest and became very aggressive. Through the last couple of months of his life i cared for him 24 hours a day.
I have never spoken in depth as to what happened in our house , and how even now i think i am still trying to processs what went on, which is why this post is written as time line.

we have two children, now aged 10 and 7, and i felt like i had to protect them, as i did not want their last experiences of their father to be tainted by cancer and the side affects of it.

How do you come to terms with what i have been left to cope with alone?


So, so sad. My heart goes out to you, so sorry for your and your children’s loss.

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I am unable to share any advice , but I wanted to reach out to say what an amazing wife amd mother you are putting everyone before yourself so this is your time to grieve take all the time you need to process what sounds like an emotional roller coaster the last 18 months has been for you x


So sorry for all you have been though and the situation you now find yourself in.
I think the answer would be to not look too far ahead as it would seem so daunting.
Think about how to get through the next day only, looking after yourself and the children the best you can manage.
When you survive a day take a breath and realise how well you did to do so. Gradually maybe a routine will begin to appear of what you can realistically do and with things to put on hold.

Sending you lots of love.
Karen xxx


@Nic18 I’m so sorry for your loss and the terrible circumstances towards the end. The grief from your loss is bad enough but the issues you have faced will amplify everything. I had trauma with my wife before she passed but nothing on the scale of what you have been through and it has left me with great difficulty on coming to terms with how she died. Give yourself time and space and letting others see you grieve gives them permission to grieve with you not hide their feelings so as not to upset you as you are hiding yours not to upset them. You have all suffered loss but you the most and need to be kind to yourself now. Love and support xx

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