My husband died at the age of 43 after being diangosed with bowel cnacer 18 months previously.
The initial diagniois was 4 years, but soon escalated. He had to have emergnecy bowel surgery, which resulted in a colostomy bag, which was an emense mental struggle for him. Initial treament went well, until the secon round of chemotherapy didn’t show any improvements. We led a fairly normal life was able to work from home and were very supportive on treatment days. Every fortnight he would need a day to recover and I would nurse him for that 24 hours. Until one day, he came home from a walk with a friend and the left side of his body collapsed, i thought it was a stroke. I had to call a friend to help me pick him up and get him to a&e as an ambulance was hours away. And then a&e expected me to leave him in the waiting room unattended, the result was a brain tumor. And this is where the diagnosis and him change. He underwent radiotherapy to no avail. The cancer was agressive and treatments non-responsive.
He contracted sepsis, this nearly killed him before the cancer. Hospitals refused treatment, but he fought and came home , again.
Easter we were given months as a timeline. The brain tumors affected him, his personality, the core of who he was. Unable to climb the stairs, a bedroom was made up downstairs. He was unable to settle, to sleep, to rest and became very aggressive. Through the last couple of months of his life i cared for him 24 hours a day.
I have never spoken in depth as to what happened in our house , and how even now i think i am still trying to processs what went on, which is why this post is written as time line.
we have two children, now aged 10 and 7, and i felt like i had to protect them, as i did not want their last experiences of their father to be tainted by cancer and the side affects of it.
How do you come to terms with what i have been left to cope with alone?