Loosing my husband

I don’t really no why I’m saying this but a friend told me this mite help, I lost my husband in January to cancer that we never even knew he had, he never had any symptoms and 3 weeks was all I got with him after we found out. I’m struggling with life without him and don’t no how to pull myself out of it

Hi Tracy845,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your husband so suddenly in January and that you’re struggling without him now. It must have been a tremendous shock for you, having no warning about him having cancer.

I joined the forum 4 years ago after my Mum died. There are lots of lovely supportive people on the forum who will understand how you’re feeling and what you’re going through.

I found great comfort and support through the people that replied to me. It helped knowing that I wasn’t alone and others did understand what I was going through. It also helped talking to people who weren’t family or friends as I could say exactly what I wanted to with no pressure to act ‘normally’ if that makes sense.

From what I know about grief, its a journey and you aren’t able to pull yourself out of it. Grieve in your own way making sure that you have someone to talk to be kind to yourself.

Keep talking to us and take care. Trudy x

Hello Tracy

I am so sorry to read about your husband and losing him so recently. It is very hard to have so little time to say your goodbyes to someone when they are ill, three weeks is nothing when there is still so much you want to say.

My Mum had melanoma secondaries and collapsed during what I thought was a minor infection that would not clear up. I had six weeks knowing she wouldn’t get better and it was very hard to bear.

From January to now is really not very long at all, you are most likely still in shock over what has happened. In these early days just get through each day as best you can. Look on each day you get through as an achievement. I found going to bed at night and being able to cry or just relax a tremendous relief after putting on a brave face all day for the world. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from your doctor if you feel you need it or for counselling if this is something you think would be beneficial. Simple things help like a relaxing bath, buying yourself a little treat for getting through the week - a bunch of flowers or whatever you like.

Other people on here will have good ideas on how to get through and I am sure will reply to you as well. There are some super people on here who have lost husbands, wives or partners and they can give you advice. I will not say time is a great healer but time will help you reach a level of acceptance.

I do wish you well
Mel

Hi Tracy
I’m not sure wether I should post on here as I am a man who has lost his wife , but I feel your pain and all the emotions your will be going through . It is such a horrible thing to happen to us all and like you I just don’t know what to do it doesn’t seem real . My wife died on the 27th of feb so it’s only been just over a month she was only 50 ,and much the same as you she died only four weeks after she was diagnosed ,it all happened so fast ,I wish I could help and take everyone’s pain away as I know this is truly the worse thing ever in life . Jon

Hi, I lost my husband on 27th January and went back to work for the first time today. It was really hard and emotional because of the job I do

Hello Tracy

You have done very well to go back to work. It is a big hurdle to get over that return and seeing your colleagues again for the first time. Think to yourself that today has been an achievement and your husband would be so proud of you.

Going back to work is awful, I am lucky that I am self employed so started work again when I wanted to not when anybody else made me. The down side was not being paid if I didn’t work and that drove me out of the house, the need to have money to eat and pay the bills!

Mel

Hello Jon

Of course you post on here. I am sorry to see you have lost your wife so recently and at only 50 too. It is so hard to bear when you have so little time between finding out someone you love is so ill and their final passing.

You are lovely wanting to take other peoples’ pain away and I wish the same for you. This is an awful time for you and I am so glad you have found this forum to visit.

Mel

Hi Tracy
So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my husband on the 20th Feb he had 13 weeks from diagnosis. We didn’t know there was anything wrong prior to this either he was only 43. Struggling to get head round everything it’s a cruel world x

Hi Nicky
I’m sorry for your loss and cruel is an understatement, Barry was 57 and fit and healthy. He walked into hospital and 3 weeks later passed away, so many unanswered questions,. Now struggling with everyday life as I just carnt understand it x

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