Loosing my mum and dad 20 weeks apart whilst being a widowed parent

Hi, I lost my husband to a brain aneurysm 12 years ago this month … after his death my mum and dad helped me immensely as I had three young children (15 mths, 3yes and 5yrs) . This year my Dad passed away in March and then in June my mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer …sadly it was too late and she died at the beginning of August in a hospice .

Since she has passed I feel horrendously guilty looking back that I didn’t fight more for her … I was the one wanting her to go into a hospice as the hospital could no longer help and the continual checks and tube feeding and hospital life in general was doing more harm than good. It was only 6 weeks from diagnosis to her dying … at the time I was tearful and now I just feel nothing .

So my parents have died my husband has died … and I feel soooo alone . I have my sister but she’s not local and has her own family . I am trying to be positive … have joined a gym but I am just so lost .

I dont even know if this makes any sense … I feel like I should hurt more … cry more … but instead I just feel miserable .

you have been through staggering loss and should take it easy on yourself. you have to allow yourself to feel all the bad stuff because it is there for a reason. but in a few short years, your children will be growing and things will be different.

you will always miss your family, but life oddly has its twists and turns and takes you with it, whether you want to go or not. this is a black time, very black and very unfortunate. and very unfair. but try to live through it, for your children and get all of the support that you can. grief support groups and one on one counseling helped me a lot.

Hi Cazza

I’m so terribly sorry. Life is so unfair.

It sounds like you had wonderful parents who helped you so much and it also sounds like you are doing such an amazing job just keeping going at the moment.

I lost my parents 12 months apart this last year and like you, they were my rocks. I’m trying to look at it from the perspective that I was so lucky to have them at all as some people don’t have that special bond with theirs.

There is no need for guilt. Cancer is awful and I am sure your mum got the care she needed in the hospice. Please don’t feel bad about that.

I have found this site so helpful. You are not alone and people here do understand.

Ann xx

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