Loosing my mum

Just seeing Louis Tomlinson sister talk about grief I have decided to talk too about my experience 4 weeks ago. I am currently off work after loosing my last parent my mum. She was my world my best friend. Which was out of the blue & a huge shock very sudden . My mental health has really taken a battering which has been made worse due to all the restrictions with covid.

Hi Rebeccaa, yes when we are grieving it is a full body thing, physical and mental go into free fall. The big thing is we just don’t talk about death or grieving, so when it happens we have little idea what to expect. I am very pleased you have taken time of from work, you need take time to come to terms with what had happened. Take small steps and be kind to yourself, it is very important because there is no timetable or sell by date attached to grieving, that’s something else no one talks about. I didn’t see the program this morning but I am pleased you found this site because we are all here for you and everyone will support you because we have all have lost someone we love and it’s hard. Keep reading others post and keep posting yourself, it all helps. Blessings to you.xx

My dad died 5 years ago with cancer that was tough I nursed him at home with our family he was a kind lovely man who would only do good & help others he suffered to the end… This OMG I was with mum on Sunday talked to her on phone Monday Tuesday then early hours Wednesday morning 10th June she was in pain rang 999 we got a call from the hospital Wednesday afternoon telling us her condition was life threatening. Me my brother & sister got to the hospital ASAP. She was sat up talking… Dr came in said they thought it was kidney stones but after CT scan it was a ruptured Aneurism & nothing they could do apart from keep her comfortable & end of life care… Now crying writing this… due to covid they would only allow 2 of us bk to see her my brother had to say bye Wednesday night. Thursday coughing blood in & out of consciousness she suddenly died at 2am Friday morning. I am devastated we’ve had restrictions at her funeral last week 25 min service only due to cleaning crematorium down for nxt one & no wake. But close relatives did come bk for tea & cake to her house. Haven’t slept a full night sleep since wake 2,3 times a night with panic attacks anxiety can not believe it really difficult. Seems so final loosing both parents now I am only 50 I felt I didn’t want to carry on but for my children’s sake I know I have to

Oh Rebeccaa, how I feel for you. The virus has made things so much worse and it makes people feel they have lost their loved one all over again. Cry my love, it helps. You certainly looked after your dad and then your mum going like that without any indication of having anything wrong makes the whole thing more difficult to deal with. You are right it’s your children that matter now and they too have lost their gran which they will find difficult. We don’t appreciate just what impact losing someone has on us and I also think it becomes hard as we get a little older and we feel we should know what it will be like but until it hits us, then it’s to late. Sleep is affected by grief and so can eating, either to much or to little but with time you will get back to normal. Fresh air and excise do help if you can make yourself do it but that can be difficult. We are supposed to say no alcohol but personally a small amount does help with sleep and to be honesty I think better than pills. Take extra care of yourself because you will be more susceptible to anything going around. Remember baby steps and you will get through this. xx

Gosh I have been drinking a lot & taking tablets from my doctor who gave me a sick note from work. It feels like a bad dream

Rebeccaa that sounds like a good combination! I think one of the things that happens when we grieve is our brain goes a wall so don’t worry about what has gone, we cannot change the past but mixing is not good for your future and alcohol is full of empty calories. Well that’s why I weigh more than I should🤭

Hi Suzie
I am really struggling bk to work Monday since I lost my mum 4 weeks ago. I have anxiety about it, I am listening to some relaxing music & crying this is not me normally I bounce bk. I have become a nervous Reck …

Hi Rebeccaa,
I have just read your original post and am so sorry that you lost your mum so suddenly and traumatically. you say you normally bounce back but you have experienced a life changing and very distressing event. None of us is ever prepared for the body blow of grief.
Perhaps you can get an extended time off work or at least a staged return. You are not being unreasonable in trying to regain strength both physically and mentally after losing your mum.
Think of yourself first. take care.

I lost my dad 5 yrs ago that was hard but loosing my mum is the worst thing imaginable I’m only 50. No more parents, feel empty , numb can’t stop crying 4 weeks on & I don’t know how to come through it really I don’t . I have a health scare I am at the hospital for on Monday hanging over me I hope all related to the stress who knows until I have tests so unreal all this

Rebecca, please try not to worry because you will make yourself worse, easier said than done, I know. When we are grieving everything is a worry and we go around in a circle. The pain, the heartache and crying just feel to much to deal with but honestly you will, you are stronger than you think. I do agree that a little extra time off work may help you and I think some good counselling would help, have you thought about trying Sue Ryder or Cruse? I know there is a waiting time but getting someone to talk too may get you through the worst. Hang in there, it will get better and the sun will shine on you. When we are grieving our immune system suffers, so our health is at a very low level, can I suggest you let the medical staff now what you are going through. From my own experience things take longer to heal and you are more prone to infection. I had a bad scare and it was a good consultant who talked to me and sorted it all out but said it was down to grieving. Please be careful, you will get through this. Post any time we are always here for you. xxx

How do I get to talk to a counsellor please

Hi, on the front page of Sue Ryder you can find the counselling service or Cruse is 0808 8081677 or if you have been in contact with an hospice they may have a family support unit which do counselling. If you need anything you can private message me from my name. Both of the above are free, otherwise you have to go private, may be quicker but costs. It’s a very difficult time for you and my advice is think if possible but above all, take care of yourself, seriously. Bless you. xx

Hi Rebecca I haven’t posted for a while but having read your first message and following conversations I felt I had to say hello as I understand exactly how you are feeling. I lost my dad 15 years ago and my mum in jan this year. She was my everything and I saw her everyday or talked to her 2 or 3 times daily on the phone. Over the last 4 years as her health slowly deteriorated I was her carer too . When she died the raw feeling of pain just suffocated me and the one thing that hit me really hard was oh my god I’m an orphan. I felt lost, I’m 53 with a lovely husband and two fab kids but I suddenly felt frightened and not belonging any more. It’s a weird feeling. As time goes on the rawness changes to sadness but you start to cope with life again although there is a huge part of you missing. I miss my mum every day and started a diary where I write to her telling her how I’m feeling etc and I find it helps. Just take each day one step at a time, I’m sure your health scare is stress/grief related, take care and keep using this site we are all understanding of what you are going through. X

Thankyou for your kind words, I was actually crying reading your reply. Yes it is very raw. She was my best friend I can’t process she has gone. With it been so sudden I& covid restrictions I think that’s why… I have a loving husband & 2 children who are now adults. But I am the youngest of 3 siblings. I was so close to both of them. At the moment I’m having ok days & not so good days today being 1 of them. I don’t want to go to bed at night everything in the hospital is playing over & over. Due to covid the funeral was web cast I’ve watched it again today & ended up in folds of tears, I didn’t want to get out of bed I feel there’s nothing to get up for. I feel alone depressed I think. I talk to my sister & brother there the same good & bad days too. Devastating.

Hi Rebecca, take solace in the fact that you have OK days, it shows that you are strong, you will get learn how to laugh again and you will find that you start talking about your mum and laughing at memories etc (there will be tears too but the happier memories will dominate as it sounds like you had a great relationship with her). Grief is a rollercoaster, something so small can trigger a bad day, or no reason other than just missing her. You feel alone as the pain you carry in your heart is only felt by you but your family and friends will understand. I wish for all of us that there was a fast forward button that we could press to feel normal again. It does get there eventually but it’s a different normal. X

Hard day today ! My mums old school friend sent some flowers which are beautiful… I made the decision to pick mums ashes up as the funeral place rang to say we could pick them up last week, but I couldn’t do it until now so I think I must be getting stronger… went for them cried taking them to the house spoke to her & put them along side my dads ashes so there now both together… mum couldn’t spread dads because she was too upset to do it but I took some a couple of years bk to Tenerife there 2nd home if 20+ Years. She use to say when anything happens to me put us both together. So couldn’t bear leaving her alone so brought her home today. I heard a funny noise in the loft as tears rolled down my face si I hade to check all the rooms maybe it’s was them telling me there happy being back together. So I think doing that & talking on here may of helped. I know I will have good & bad days as it’s only 5 weeks ago.

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